Guilty

My wonderful husband died 8 weeks ago of cancer, I looked after & cared for him from day one, I thought it would be a good idea to get away for a few days with my sister, how wrong was I, I cried the whole time I was away & feel so guilty, coming home & unpacking & doing washing just for me was heartbreaking, I now know I can’t run away from what’s happened but it’s so so painful, getting out of bed & getting dressed exhausts me, I didn’t realise how much sleeping I could do, eating is a nightmare living on rubbish

Hi, you say ‘guilt’ for what? No, you and your sister was right a few days away may have helped but unfortunately, for you it didn’t, so there’s nothing to feel guilty about. Honestly I think you were brave doing it and yes coming back is always a nightmare because the place were he should have been is empty. Grieving is exhausting and you are right eating rubbish food doesn’t help but at times it’s all we can be bothered to do.
Now you have posted, written down what the problem is, you may be able to deal with some of it but don’t rush, take your time and see what tomorrow brings. I really do think you are brave and you will get through this because of your strength. Take extra care because you are vulnerable both physical and mentally. S xx

The night before hubby passed , we were a bit “ratty” with each other -
Weeks after I had an awful thought - what if he didn’t want to stay when the paramedics were working on him?
Was he so annoyed with me that he said “enough is enough”?

Oh Kath, no it won’t be like that at all. My own view and this is from being around people who are very, very poorly is that when it’s your time, that’s it. We don’t have a choice to go or not to go only when someone wants to hold on until their relative has left them is there anything we have an control. Please believe me and don’t think he was cross or anything with you.
I think most of us would like to relive those last few hours or days and say all those things we would have said. I do hope this helps. We are always here for you and everyone on this site will be sending you love and blessings. S xxx

Hi Susie 123 I was interested in your post as I also feel much guilt, do you really believe when it’s your time it’s your time , as I feel so bad about my son who died in front of me just out of the blue, (unknown heart disease ,)I have so much guilt feeling I should have done this or noticed that, and that I should have done the CPR better . I understand that guilt is one of the stages of grief but there seems no way out when you blame yourself. I was his mother and feel I failed him ,but if it was his time should I ? There is just no way of knowing . Thanks jss

JSS, yes we know that guilt and anger are part of grieving which just makes it all worse. Time will dull those feelings. I have just read another post and she says that believing that those who have gone are in a better place, hold on to those kind of thoughts and good memories. Stay safe S xxx

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After my hubby passed, It fell on me to look after his dog,
Months later, the dog had to have a major op - taking her home from the vet , I spoke to my hubby to say -
If he wanted me to have the dog then I would continue to but if he wanted the dog with him then it was his choice.
So I take comfort in knowing they are together , happy wandering the hills again.
Unable to clear dog stuff out tho.

Kath, that is such a lovely thought that they are doing what they enjoyed together.
My dad had a dog which my mother couldn’t deal with and my older sister took him and they were best friends. I do think animals know more than we do about certain things. Thanks for sharing. Sxx

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