It is now 18 months since my wife passed away after a long illness (pulmonary fibrosis and emphysema)
I feel guilty although I did everything possible for her but when she passed away, I had the phone in my hand, talking to the paramedic and checking her breathing and pulse as they requested.
My dearest wish is that I could have held her and told her how much I loved her.
Although I have been able to move on a little, the hole in my life will never be healed.
God bless us all
Hi Allen and welcome to the forum…
I’m sorry to hear about your wife, this must be a difficult time for you but you shouldn’t feel guilty, it seems as if you did everything a husband/friend/person would do in that situation.
You obviously loved her very much and I’m sure she knows how much you loved her back, it’s strange that in situations like that, people can feel that they had never told that person that they loved them enough but in day to day life, they may tell them every day!
Over time it will get easier for you 18 months isn’t really that long ago, I lost my mum when I was 10 and I’m now 35 but I do still think about her and visit her grave but now I always remember the good times, I guess that’s how my thoughts/feelings have changed over the years and I’m sure that’s how you will start to feel when the time is right.
Look after yourself and I’m hoping you will make progress in moving on eventually
Thank you Sheila. I’m just glad that I was with her when she passed. xx
This what I said at her funeral:
Thank you all for being here and thank you to those who join us on the video link
I hope that I can hold it together but if I fail please understand.
**Anne Elizabeth *********
Daughter, sister, mother, grandmother, great grandmother and -
My guardian angel
The love of my life
My best friend
God has taken an angel home.
Anne and I met on July 16th 1994 and we were together as a couple on February 14th 1995. We married in Dallas Texas on October 17th 2003. It took her all those years to “be certain”
We most of us know that Anne was not the easiest person to live with and we had several gargantuan rows but our love for each other was overwhelming and never faltered.
As we both got older, she was no longer the stunning, vivacious girl that I met in ‘94 but her inner beauty remained constant
She was the kindest and most generous person imaginable and when her time was clearly limited by a dreadful and debilitating disease, she exhibited a degree of bravery that defied description.
I thank God that her passing was peaceful, at home and in my arms.
I have not lost my precious wife; I just will not see her again in this life. She will remain in my heart for as long as I live.
Thank you all.
Beautiful words. I wish I could have been strong enough to speak at June my wife’s funeral a month to the day after her passing. I did manage to be a bearer on the day carrying her into and out of Church.
June my wife of nearly 44 years passed away in similar circumstances just over 6 weeks ago now. June was on the phone seated at the kitchen table when her head fell onto her shoulder and she became unresponsive. I too feel much guilt in that June stopped breathing and I was told to put her on the floor and begin cpr. Although trained decades ago I had not done it for real just on a dummy. The paramedics arrived quickly and used the defibrillator intubated her put a dip up and tried Adrenalin all to no avail. June was only 66.
June had been in poor health with Multiple Sclerosis for decades and later Cancer which she described ‘as a blip’. A very mentally strong person she was my soul mate and my rock.
I was later told that if June had already been admitted to hospital and the cause of her death had been suspected there would have been only a 50:50 chance of survival.
I too have feelings of guilt about my not saving her. Did I do the cpr correctly. I didn’t want to hurt her or break her ribs etc. Did I try hard enough? I certainly would not have wanted to keep her alive but for her to suffer more. I also regret my behaviour in the past - things I said in frustration and temper. There was never anyone else just the two of us.
I now know guilt is part of the grieving process along with anger etc. it does not make me feel any better. I found myself the other day seeing an ambulance on an emergency call thinking why could they not save her either. Irrational thoughts abound it seems Allen.
We must hold onto the fact that our wives/partners remained with us for so long because they deeply loved us otherwise they would no doubt in this day and age have left us long ago. I’m sure you did your very best like myself in the horrific circumstances we found ourselves in and we must keep telling ourselves that.
I wish you all the best along with everyone else on this forum.
Thank you very much. I wish you all the best too.