Hello i lost my father to dementia in sept, i cared for him a lot even though he was in a care home, i loved being their with him i understood what he was going through in good times and bad i was their to help make him smile even in his darkest days, the week leading up to his passing i was with him all the time, callin the family to comeand say their goodbyes, i would sit and talk to him, play music im not sure if he could hear me but i did not care as long as i was their, i always told my pops how much i loved him and what a great dad he was, BUT heres the guilt, i went home on the thursday night selfishly i felt so very tired i thought i would go home and get some sleep and come back friday morning, but i got a call from the home saying he had just passed away, well i drove straight their got in bed with him crying sayi g why did you not wait for me, i cuddled him until he went cold i could not let him go, but i feel so guilty that none of us was their we should of been knowing his breathig, i hate that he was all alone. I cannot forgive myself for this.
Please please try not to feel guilty. Sometimes circumstances just get in the way…it was NOT your fault and it is more than possible that your dad would not have been aware of your physical presence had you been there. He knew how much you love him…then and now…and that is the most important thing for you to hang on to. Grief twists things in our mind…it is hard enough to carry on its own without adding to it…try to remember your dad in all the good times you shared. Everyone on this site understands so please keep posting…my thoughts are with you. God bless x
You mustn’t beat yourself up about this, most of us have regrets and guilt about our loved ones passing, mine is being grumpy with him, one of the reasons like you I was so tired.I had just left my husband driven an hour home and I opened the door and got a call to go back, why did I leave.? I take comfort fro Amelia’s gran that he Amy not have been aware I was there.
Please be kind to yourself x
Please don’t feel guilty. I had a similar experience. I saw my wife alive for the last time an hour before she died. Our local Vicar had said a prayer over her and I went away. I think I knew in my heart that she was going, but it was so painful to watch her. She had some physical problems, but mainly dementia. I got home and an hour later I got a phone call to say she had gone.
I felt very guilty at not being there. But after a time I realised it’s not how she would have wanted me to be. It was some consolation.
Guilt can eat away at your emotions when you need all the emotional strength you can get. Mourn, grieve but try not to feel guilty. Bless you.
Thank you for all your lovely replies, it does help me and yes my pops would not want me to be feel this way, you know i keep gettig flashbacks of him just laying their, he died in pain as he had the most terrible bed sores this makes me feel sad cor his pain, he didnt deserve this but who does aye.