Had new relationships with 3 different men, 2 of whom have died.
I am heartily sick of picking myself up and dusting myself down, ready to begin yet another chapter in my life.
I don’t have the inclination or the enthusiasm for any of it.
I cannot see a future myself.
I have nothing to look forward to and see very little point in continuing with this life.
I just told this to my sister. Her reply was “You’re a survivor”. I don’t want to be a survivor. And I don’t know why some people seem to sail through life while others are knocked down again and again.
I’m not asking for answers or advice, I just needed to let it out. Thanks for reading.
I don’t think there is a definitive point to life. I don’t think there’s a reward awaiting us at the end. In fact I don’t think life is a journey at all. I believe life is a long musical and it’s up to us to get up to dance and sing before the music stops.
Aww, I know that feeling. Two husbands have died, I have a daughter with additional needs. All my family are dead apart from one sister with severe dementia. But I agree with some of what Peter says, although I believe there will be a reward at the end of this life. We do have to roll with the punches, pick up the pieces and get on with life, even though it is a life we didn’t expect or choose.
The only alternative is unthinkable. I wouldn’t voluntarily leave my daughter to go into care. I wouldn’t leave my son with all this mess to clear up. My kids have already lost two dads.
I feel like that too. I’m angry about it today with a big dose of tears tonight.
Feel myself pulling away from my married friends at the moment, don’t want to hear about their wonderful holiday, meal out, decorating or new car plans etc. They all had that before I met and married my amazing man and yet again they get to have it and I don’t - how’s that fair? Why must I always have to be the resilient one?! The one that goes home alone. The one that can’t make plans and have joy with her longed for husband and her world. Why can’t my husband be the man that lives to 80…
You are still new on this joyrney we never wanted to be on. Your bad days will turn to a few good days, and you will make plans. I hated seeing people holding hands, but now I find it doesn’t bother me. In fact, I want to tell them to make the most of the life they have.
Take your time maybe join a women’s only group or volunteer to keep you occupied in the evening. X
Pinto, thank you x I see that your husband also had stomach cancer, I understand some of what you might be going through because of that.
I’m at work today, it’s quiet and the sun is out. Thank you.
Its a horrible cancer to have, we found out at the end of August 2022 and he passed away July 2023. I was lucky to be able to talk about my future, I gave up work in the March after a failed operation to make memories together but only had a few months where we could. I promised to live my life and still travel to make new memories to share with my grandchildren. Life does move on but our memories are always with us.
Hi Peter,
I must respectfully disagree,
Many don’t even get the chance to even hear the music,let alone sing and dance,
Why do humans crave knowledge,wisdom and love,just for it all to go to waste when we die,I have no answers for the pain and hurt we feel losing someone close to us or even why it happens,but I guess the reasons will become clear when we go.
Regards Ron.
Loss puts you on a different path, but not one which we choose. Some of the biggest questions I think we just ponder, no definite answers. My personal thoughts are that we’re here to grow, evolve, learn and love. The physical realm is a classroom and the best place to learn. And, I don’t want to repeat classes over and over.
I can so relate to everything you say - I feel guilty saying this, but I, too, pull away from happy, married couples as I don’t need to hear about their wonderful holidays together/days out etc when I am feeling so alone.
I have never been a jealous person and I still try to feel happy for friends, family and acquaintances, but the truth is that I miss having get-togethers with everyone most weekends, especially now that my daughters are trying to get on with their lives and do happy things with friends and partners.
I keep being advised to find peace with doing things by myself, but I have always been the person who needs company, someone to chat and laugh with.
I hope you find a certain comfort in knowing someone else feels the same.
Sending love.