My beloved Grandad’s funeral was today. Whilst it was a lovely service and send off, I feel so upset and it’s like learning he’s passed away all over again. I love him so much, he’s been a huge part of my life and now it feels like a huge void :(. The realisation is much worse this time that he is not coming back. I was physically sick when I got home and have only just woken up, then i’ll go back to sleep. I’d do anything to see him once more. I did see him in the chapel of rest and held his hand. He looked so peaceful. Grandad I wish you’d come back to us 
x
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I’m so sorry for your loss @Katie_Sunflower. My adult daughter lost her Grandad (my Dad) in November and everything you describe sounds exactly like her and her experiences. He was like a Dad to her. She also visited him quite a few times in the funeral home and held his hand too. She’s now back at uni and has thrown herself into her studies and is also trying to pick up her social life but she’s definitely a different person. She’s trying to go on as her Grandad wanted her to but its not easy. She recently had a photo book made of so many happy times they shared and she said this helps her when she’s sad, just to see him in them as she knows how much her Grandad would have wanted her to cherish the memories but also carry on with her life. Its hard though. Would this help you? I’m also getting a memory bear made out of one of my Dad’s shirts so I can give this to her somewhere down the road. She kept some little keepsakes of her Grandad’s - things that were special to him or things he used everyday - would this help you too if you did that? She has them squirreled away in a drawer so even if she doesn’t want to look at them now, she knows where they are and that she’s keeping them safe. I’m sending you so much 
at this difficult time but you will get through it…keep reminding yourself of the amazing times you had and how proud he must have been to have had that with you too. I know my Dad always felt that way with my daughter and that helps me through the difficult days to be strong for her
Hi @Jess2023 thanks so much for replying, it really does mean a lot . I too am so sorry to hear of your loss. I know its part of life and we all go through it, but isn’t it just so painful :(. When your daughter and myself have had our grandparents for so long, they do become like our second parents. I really hope your daughter will take each day as it comes and get through such a painful time 
. The memory book sounds so lovely, i think this would be a great comfort to me. I have kept one of Grandad’s cardigans, and some of his Brut deodorant. He loved Brut so much, I even wore some today at the funeral. I too have a memory bear - I wrote a message on it as a comfort and to remind myself of those cherished memories. Mine isn’t the clothes one but it holds a small amount of ashes. I think i began to accept he is gone and I did feel comfort from Chapel visit. I was scared at first but it felt very natural to be there, and I hold his hand, stroked his face and hair. The part I’m struggling with his physical being is now gone, its just so final and there is no way back :(. Your reply has comforted me and I know i’m not alone in feeling this way. I send you and your daughter my love too xx
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Oh wow @Katie_Sunflower - I could be reading something my daughter had written with all your experiences and what you’ve done. Its amazing reading your love for your Grandad, with what’s happened since he passed. My daughter did the same with my Dad in the funeral home…she even gave him a very dodgy haircut so she could keep some hair! It brought us both so much comfort that he would have burst out laughing at that. I was scared to visit my Dad but she encouraged me to see him and I was so glad that I did. She also kept his aftershave and put it on him a few times in the Chapel. I was worried for her and what she’d do after the funeral, as she’d pretty much camped out in the hospital for 2 weeks, before he passed, not wanting to leave his side. She also visited numerous times in the Chapel. When in hospital he’d punched and kicked her many times, shouted at her (he had delirium as well as pneumonia and a kidney infection) but it didn’t phase her one bit. She loved him so much. My Dad would have been so sad to have known he’d ever have done that to his precious grandaughter but we’re all at peace knowing he couldn’t help it. On the flipside, he would also have been so proud of her that it hadn’t bothered her either. And a couple of hours before he passed, the last thing he ever said was her name. He opened his eyes, smiled broadly and said her name. That’s such a precious memory for her.
I’m sure in time so much of your sadness will gradually be replaced by all the cherished memories you must hold in your heart and you’ll smile again…although your Grandad can’t physically be with you any longer, his love for you lives on
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