Day three, it feels like weeks, the silence is deafening, night time is torture, last night I just wandered around the streets for 3 hours. I’ve been reading posts and can’t imagine feeling like this for years. I can’t live like this for years . I’ve been told to give it time, it will get easier, but no one tells me it will get better. We made so many plans that will never happen, it just doesn’t feel real, but I know it is. I just feel lonely all the time. I feel like I’m on the fringes of every body else’s life, just being a spectator and not participating, and not really knowing how to participate. I’m alone, I’m alone I’m alone, that’s all that goes through my head. We thought my wife had beaten cancer and then found out she hadn’t. It all happened so quickly. One day we called the ambulance, my dear darling wife never came home again and died in my arms. I just keep crying. Not sure anymore , she’s gone to the one place I can’t follow straight away. I’m alone after 32 years, my wife was fifty three years old. I feel like a toddler saying it’s not fair, but it’s just not fair. Half of my soul is missing
@Chris12 my sympathies to you . You are right it does get easier but it never goes away . Take each day as it comes and I hope you have support
Hi @Chris12
I’m so sorry you have lost your wife at such a young age and with so many plans for your future which you cannot share anymore.
I lost my husband 5 months ago to cancer - he was only 56 and it is just completely shit. Sorry that probably doesn’t help at all but perhaps it may help to know that you are not alone in this awful grief.
Just try focus on each day as it comes - try eat and sleep when you are able and be kind to yourself- it truly is the most difficult time so don’t expect anything from yourself.
Lean on those around you if you can and they are willing - do you have a support network?
And keep posting on here if it helps- lots of good people on here whose kindness and support can help get you through the day.
Sending some love and hugs xx
So sorry for the loss of your wife, it’s so very recent for you too but you’re absolutely right, it’s not fair!!! Nothing about any of this is fair! I lost my Andy 7 weeks ago from a heart attack. He was in hospital already after having his first heart attack 10 days before. He was in ‘the right place, waiting for surgery! It shouldn’t have happened, I still can’t understand it but I could drive myself mad thinking over and over again what went wrong. This is a life I never imagined and never wanted. Like you, we had so many plans. Andy was 59, I’m 56. He was already retired after being in the Royal Navy for 38 years, we’d agreed I was going to retire next March on my 57th birthday. Such a waste!!! I owe it to him to now forge a new life, a good and fulfilling one as I’m now living it for both of us. I hope you can get to that feeling too. Sending all best wishes to you x
It’s very early days for you and your head will be all over the place or like mine was just numb with everything and everyone going on as normal and me like a zombie not feeling anything much just dead inside.I feel like an abandoned child after 38 years together always together it’s very hard.It’s going to take time for you just take care of yourself as best you can.
We are all in this club . Lost our partners in their 50s . Never expected that . As all of us planned retirement together . So sorry for everyone x
Im sorry that your wife died and there is nothing i can say that will take your pain away. At 3 days the pain is raw and all consuming. You will have many emotions and this is a long journey. The best advice i would give, take it hour by hour. Eat if you can and keep fluids up.
This journey you are now on is yours, it’s different to everyone else’s. We all have stories of our deaths but your relationship was unique and the way you deal with it will also be unique to you.
You’re life has altered beyond belief, you will grieve for your wife, your plans, the future that you were certain of.
19 months on this journey, i can say my life is good. Its not better as nothing beats me and him but it’s a life I’m happy to wake up for.
It takes a while and wanting to survive had to come from within. The fact you don’t want to live a life of misery, means you won’t. But all that will come in time.
Losing the love of your life is a process, you have to walk through that process. There will be some truly bad days but you will do it in your own time and speed.
First good thing you’ve done is reach out on here, that’s a good first step, as we all get it.
So sorry for your loss , I lost my wife in March at only 57 , I can relate to those feelings of calling an ambulance ( my wife fainted and fell down a few stairs ) then she never came home . She was in hospital for low sodium & potassium , on all sorts of drips / vitamins then after 5 days had a sudden cardiac arrest and was gone .
I’m 52 with 2 kids (24&18) and like all here never in a million years did I think I would have lost my soulmate before we got to do everything we had planned once the kids were grown up , feel completely cheated by life .
I genuinely have no idea how I have made it so far (well for the kids and dog 100%) but we are stronger than we ever realise .
One thing I can say for sure is that this site has certainly helped me still be here for the kids , simply knowing others are feeling the same pain and physical heartache ( sadly ) makes you feel less alone , so keep reading / posting as you need to , we all know what you are going through .
You’re right Jol about many of us losing our partners/husbands/ wives in our 50’s. Thank goodness for this place where I know other people can relate to me. The only place I truly feel understood right now. It’s horrendous, but thank you all x
@MrsC.x yes this is the only place I can really talk about my loss . I am broken inside as we were totally devoted to each other . He made me feel very safe in this world. Now i am just plodding along and facing each day as it comes . It’s very cruel
I understand Jol, that feeling of protection has gone, we had good men x
So sorry for your loss Chris…
I feel much the same as you….lost my husband two weeks ago tomorrow…
Devastated is an understatement…I just hope time eases this grief for all of us…but it’s so hard at the moment. The emptiness and feelings of loss are overwhelming…
But we have to hang on in there…… our loved ones would want us to….