Here i am another morning to face after the night before…I am crying to God…“please give me back my happiness, all i want is happiness and Love… I had both in Richard and my three fur babies, doesn’t seem that too long ago…”…Well all this stems from an evening phone call i got last night from my only grandson back home age 31 telling me stories about his now estranged mother, my only child, my 50 year old daughter. " I was absolutely shocked to hear things i was not aware of, re her alcohol ( going on 35 years now ) and violence which i shan’t post on here…" when sober she is a lovely daughter which i was truly hoping we could get back close as she and grandson are all i have left and a great grandson age 5 i have yet to meet…And here am i wanting so desperatly to get back home as home is where me and Richard belong, well as i have posted before, his ashes are now back hone which is why i so want to tell him i am back home too, but what of my daughter and her problems, i have already bailed her out of bailiffs before Christmas, a hefty amount of my Richhards money…I told daughter and now grandson, " i will only do this the once, the rest is up to her." I am crying again as i really dont recognise my life now, i have nothing to live for, nothing to wake up for, no Richard who i am terribly missing, our life 15 plus years from moving into our forever home back home to the day of leaving it behind all because of my late in life PP-MS diagnoses, oh how i hate what this disease has done to us , it stopped mine and my Richards life, now he has died and all this because of me, my MS an my daughters issue drove me away from our home to hear in the first place, i did not want to be close to abuse, just wanted a fresh start, well these past new years of my-our fresh start have turned into a never ending nightmare…My daughter and i are both aware that her drinking is going to kill her…,how much more is God going to make me put up with when all i want is to be happy again, to be wanted, to want someone, be in love and to be loved…Well not too long ago i had them all, Richard and our three dogs, plus my health…
Jackie…