My life is progressing positively and I am so happy. I have moved to a new place with my partner. I can see things progressing with them which is super exciting. It’s what I’ve wanted for so long. However my grief is still so heavy! I lost my Nan from a sudden accident last year and saw her deteriorate in just a few hours. She was like a second mum to me. I also lost one of my close friends about a month after that. She lost her fight with cancer. My grief doesn’t feel like it is going anywhere and at the back of my mind I feel scared that things are going too well and something will go wrong. Probably from the trauma of seeing my loved ones die last year. I am also sad that my loved ones are not getting to witness the milestones with me. I am so happy but also happiness is making my grief feel stronger. Has anybody felt this way before?
Hi @SI94,
I hear your dilema, my mom passed 3 & half years ago, but now I am having a new life with my partner, who I only met after she passed, so I understand that feeling, but one thing I learned from my mom’s passing, is that it’s understandable to acknowledge our grief, but to make the most of the life we have, enjoy the good things, & make the most of the time we have with the people we love, because who knows what’s around the corner, anything can happen. Last year I read a self help book, which said something that resonated with me, it mentioned a quote, that said, " If you know you only had one hour to live, who would you call? What would you say? & What are you waiting for?" It makes a good point, we should never wait to tell the people we love how much we love them, when all is said & done, that’s what matters most. Sending hugs of support.
Thank you so much for this. It has really helped and what a perfect quote! I am so sorry to hear about your loss and congratulations on meeting your partner. 
Hi S194,
Tomorrow is the day six years ago that I lost my husband, the most lovely person in my life for 48 years. Since this time I have been so sad and unhappy and basically didn’t want to be here anymore, much to the sadness of my two (adult) children. In July this year, I went to a computer class not too far from me with my twin sister. She didn’t want to carry on with it after a while, but I thought I would see it through to the end. I gave my phone number to a few people in the group, and one person was John, a lovely man. Since then, I have seen him a few times but not a lot as he has had an operation on his eye and hasn’t been driving for a few weeks. He came to see me on my birthday last week and a couple of times since then. I think of my husband and still cry, but do I try and be happy or sad? John lost his own wife eight years ago at the age of 52, so I know he knows how it all feels. He feels he wants to be happy now, and to be honest we have laughed a lot (albeit a lot on the phone). I still just feel that it might not be the right thing, but how long do we grieve for? I know I will kind of grieve for the rest of my life, and do I deserve happiness?
Hi Lesley,
How lovely that you met John! The fact you both lost your partners means you can bond at different level to others and empathise with each other. I can understand that you feel caught between happiness and grief. I do think that you deserve to be happy in the present - though that does not stop you looking back on the past and reminiscing. Maybe that’s something both you and your partner can do together as you both know how it feels to lose a partner? It may be a way of keeping your memories alive. I am happy that you have met someone new.
Hi @Lesley18
It’s true, we will on some level always grieve the ones we’ve lost, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be loved again, when we’ve been through the heartache of loss, we deserve some happiness in our lives, John sounds like he could appreciate the support & understanding you could provide for eachother in that you both have your own experiences of grief, & loss. All I can say is follow your heart, & do what is right for you. Hope it all works out 
Dear S194,
Thank you so much, that is a lovely reply xx
Ah thank you so much Pandaprincess for your lovely reply xx
Yes, be happy in the present, you deserve that. Don’t think too far ahead, just because friends are the opposite sex doesn’t mean it will inevitably turn into romance etc. It might (or it might not)
Enjoy the company, take your time,.and see what happens
Don’t overthink.
Good luck
Dear tykey,
Thank you for that lovely reply 
Lesley - of course you deserve happiness. You deserve to be loved again and to feel love again. It makes us feel alive.
If the shoe were on the other foot would you want your husband to spend the rest of his time on this Earth mourning and being miserable alone or being happy, loved and loving again? I know what he would choose and I never met your husband.
Two lonely souls sharing some time together and enjoying each other’s company each knowing the other’s heartache already is simply fantastic! Do not feel even the least bit guilty for being happy.
Much love.
Dear PeachesDixon,
What a lovely reply! I know I would want my husand to be happy if he were here instead of me. My best friend met John a couple of days ago, and she messaged me later with just this - ‘he has brought you back to life’. So (although still saddened by my husband’s death) I will take a chance of happiness and see how it goes. Thank you xx