It’s the fourth birthday without my husband & it doesn’t get any easier. For me these big days seem to be getting worse because memories are getting further & further away. Others have forgotten & you’re carrying your hurt alone. You prepare yourself for the firsts & the build up to them often worse than the day itself. But as the years go by these days are still hard if not harder & you can’t understand why it isn’t easier. I’m not intentionally building up to it as I was at first, but subconsciously I must be because I’ve had days where I can’t face going out in these last few weeks. I wrote this poem for him … Happy Birthday Derek 
I miss you today and I’ll miss you tomorrow,
No amount of time takes that away,
You’re my one, my forever & always,
And I’ll miss you every single day.
I love you today and I’ll love you tomorrow,
Your heart is entwined with mine,
You’re my one, my forever & always,
And I’ll love you until the end of time.