Hard grief day.

Hello to anyone that reads this🙏
Just needing to write away to help myself a little as I’m having a really hard day.
It’s soon coming upto my daughter’s birthday and day she passed. I still can’t bring myself to register her death. As time passes i feel more sad if that’s possible. Not sure how life will be without one of my children , my eldest. Only just 28. I’m sure many of you can relate to the heaviness that we carry but also I feel empty. Half the person I was. I’ve just become a grandmother in the last 8 weeks, my granddaughter is beautiful but is such mixed emotions as she will never meet her aunty. My auntie passed on Monday. That relationship was strained but she looked after me for the first 10 months of my life.My family is so complicated , I feel I have lost my way and don’t know who I am anymore.

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So sorry, words are useless. Sending you love :heart: and hugs x

Thank you, I know there are no words. I appreciate you sending a message :white_heart:x

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It’s the worse feeling in the world, I’m either okish or completely overwhelmed and unable to put a sentence together. The only thing I can say is to me, grief runs alongside love , I loved with all my heart, I’m now grieving with all of my heart, I also lost my big sister 2 days before my daughter, the funerals are taking place one day apart from each other, I genuinely don’t know how that’s going to be.

I think we have to ‘allow’ ourselves to cry, rage, sob- I get fed up of people telling me I’m strong , I’m not at all. However , if I need to cry, I cry, I also allow myself to be occupied by a bit of gardening or whatever. Grief is just as personal as loving, you have to gently feel your own personal path through it.

My heart truly goes out to you, no parent should lose a child xx

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So sorry for all your pain x

I resonate so much of what you have written. I get so angry when told I’m strong, I have no choice but to stand up face forward and one foot in front the other.
I’m so sorry you have lost your daughter and sister. Sending you healing hugs and be kind to yourself. Baby steps and one day at a time. Xxx

So my daughter’s funeral is on Tuesday and my sister’s on Thursday , I am really, really struggling to make any sense of anything, I feel like there is no joy in my life , not will there be for a long, long time. My husband is very contained, rarely let’s his guard down, if I didn’t have him and my other 3 children I would stop all the pain , I accept that to loved someone so much also means the pain of them dying is also so intense, I literally go over and over the 5 weeks from tentative suggestion of cancer to her dying to see if I could have done anything differently, I’ve gone over the previous 4 months to see if there was any concrete evidence of something majorly wrong, I’m in a bad place right now and I honestly don’t feel like I want to survive it

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I am so sorry. Your pain must be terrible. But the love of your husband and other children will be your reason to go on. I’ve spent a long time going over what happened to my mum and asking myself why I didnt do something differently, but I don’t believe things could truly have been changed after a certain point, and lots of things led to that point. Sending you hugs and strength to get through this awful time x

So sorry for your pain.

We opted for a direct cremation for our youngest daughter Amy, so no funeral to attend. It was painful enough just organising the cremation. We just drove down to Manchester to collect her ashes a few days afterwards.
I created a little special space on our sideboard for Amy and both my parents ashes too (they passed too early many years ago, but I can’t part with them).

Sending love.

J :heart: