Hello to anyone that reads this🙏
Just needing to write away to help myself a little as I’m having a really hard day.
It’s soon coming upto my daughter’s birthday and day she passed. I still can’t bring myself to register her death. As time passes i feel more sad if that’s possible. Not sure how life will be without one of my children , my eldest. Only just 28. I’m sure many of you can relate to the heaviness that we carry but also I feel empty. Half the person I was. I’ve just become a grandmother in the last 8 weeks, my granddaughter is beautiful but is such mixed emotions as she will never meet her aunty. My auntie passed on Monday. That relationship was strained but she looked after me for the first 10 months of my life.My family is so complicated , I feel I have lost my way and don’t know who I am anymore.
So sorry, words are useless. Sending you love 
and hugs x
Thank you, I know there are no words. I appreciate you sending a message 
x
It’s the worse feeling in the world, I’m either okish or completely overwhelmed and unable to put a sentence together. The only thing I can say is to me, grief runs alongside love , I loved with all my heart, I’m now grieving with all of my heart, I also lost my big sister 2 days before my daughter, the funerals are taking place one day apart from each other, I genuinely don’t know how that’s going to be.
I think we have to ‘allow’ ourselves to cry, rage, sob- I get fed up of people telling me I’m strong , I’m not at all. However , if I need to cry, I cry, I also allow myself to be occupied by a bit of gardening or whatever. Grief is just as personal as loving, you have to gently feel your own personal path through it.
My heart truly goes out to you, no parent should lose a child xx
So sorry for all your pain x
I resonate so much of what you have written. I get so angry when told I’m strong, I have no choice but to stand up face forward and one foot in front the other.
I’m so sorry you have lost your daughter and sister. Sending you healing hugs and be kind to yourself. Baby steps and one day at a time. Xxx
So my daughter’s funeral is on Tuesday and my sister’s on Thursday , I am really, really struggling to make any sense of anything, I feel like there is no joy in my life , not will there be for a long, long time. My husband is very contained, rarely let’s his guard down, if I didn’t have him and my other 3 children I would stop all the pain , I accept that to loved someone so much also means the pain of them dying is also so intense, I literally go over and over the 5 weeks from tentative suggestion of cancer to her dying to see if I could have done anything differently, I’ve gone over the previous 4 months to see if there was any concrete evidence of something majorly wrong, I’m in a bad place right now and I honestly don’t feel like I want to survive it
I am so sorry. Your pain must be terrible. But the love of your husband and other children will be your reason to go on. I’ve spent a long time going over what happened to my mum and asking myself why I didnt do something differently, but I don’t believe things could truly have been changed after a certain point, and lots of things led to that point. Sending you hugs and strength to get through this awful time x
So sorry for your pain.
We opted for a direct cremation for our youngest daughter Amy, so no funeral to attend. It was painful enough just organising the cremation. We just drove down to Manchester to collect her ashes a few days afterwards.
I created a little special space on our sideboard for Amy and both my parents ashes too (they passed too early many years ago, but I can’t part with them).
Sending love.
J
Hi, i lost my daughter last year at the age of 28, too. Im so sorry. Its destroyed my soul, I’ll never be me again. Struggling to live and laugh with family when all i think about is her. I totally get where youre coming from, and can only hope we find ourselves again.
Sending understanding and big hugs.
I feel the same, I’m half the person I was. So exhausted and just mostly keep myself in my little bubble. Hard facing the world, I don’t feel I fit in anymore.
The pain is all consuming. 
xxx
Navvy71. I am exactly the same. I live in my little bubble, only a few certain people in it and don’t think I will ever break that bubble as it’s my safety net and my home is my safe place. Glad I’m not the only person like this and please don’t think I mean that in a horrible way, I certainly don’t but at least you understand it xx
I know being in here doesn’t ease our grief but it makes me realise that I’m not alone, I had to return to work this week , it was 6 weeks after my daughter had died. My God, the effort it took to keep talking to people and responding was colossal. It was end of term and now I’m back safe in my house with my husband and with the kids , I have one very good friend I met into my bubble but that’s it . I don’t know what normal is any more . I’m certainly not and never will be the same person again, my heart goes out to you all and can honestly say - I know how you feel- love to you all
Hi. Yesterday wss the 5th Anniversary of the passing of our younger daughter.
She took ill coming back from a holiday in Majorca and ended up on ECMO life support for 8 weeks. This gave us time as the machine oxygenates the blood without needing lungs to do that. She had accute respiratory failure you see. The medics fully expected she would recovet but she got a blood infection so they had to let her go.
Nothing prepares us for seeing our child take their last breath. I called it before the medical team did as i knew it was her last breath .
5 years on, her beautiful little girl is the light of our lives. It still hurts so much but having Brooke has helped her partner Jamie and all of us cope with her loss.
There are no words of comfort. All of us here feel your pain as we all feel it too every day. Life changes forever. Our elder daughter was and still is devastated by the loss of her sister but she has a huge impact on Brookes life. The best Aunty any child could wish for.
We just do the best we can to live without our beloved children.
Lisa would have been 36 on 10th July. She had her 31st birthday in hospital. 15 days later she left us.
Sending love and strength to you.
Kate xx