My son died in July. Some days are ok and I get through them. But this last couple of weeks I feel so down. I cry a lot, I miss him. I’m not sure why this happening. Do you get awful set backs for no apparent reason?
Thank you Sheila for your words of comfort, i appreciate them. I’m sorry for your loss and pain, life is cruel. Your comparison of grief to waves is good, that’s what it feels like at times, just waves hitting me and knocking me over. Then you have to get up and try again. Family have said I ask to much of myself but that is a front I put on. Inside I’m emotionally wrecked. I miss him so so much. Thank you again x
Thank you Sheila, you are so kind. It really does help to hear from others who are experiencing the same. It helps even to know you still cry, I know I’m not being self indulgent now when I do it. I hope you have support round you. I don’t have to many, my son was my best friend and always there for me. Take care , Geraldine x
You’re a lovely person to chat with Sheila, your empathy is very evident. I’m sure you must feel very lonely to be without your husband, your other half of you. Death leaves us feeling very afraid and vulnerable. It’s natural to fear loosing your son’s, you know how fragile life is. My heart goes out to your friend. I to at this age have experience of death, my grandparents, my father, my niece and nephew, all dead. But the pain I feel now is crushing. Your children are part of you so part of me had died to. Just be there for your friend, let her talk, cry, as she wants. It’s a great support just knowing someone is there for you…x
I too believe that you never move on from losing your child. How could you? It just so is not supposed to happen.
I lost my daughter suddenly in August and I am functioning to a degree. Whereas I was numb interspersed with hysterical sobbing I am no longer numb. I think it does become more real when the shock wears off and you realise that this is forever. This makes me feel very down and the tears are never far away. They erupt a few times each day but I don’t see this as a setback. For me it seems to be entering another level of grief to get my head round. Sorry I’m rambling!
Orchard and Sheila your posts are so helpful. Posting makes it real which is why I am only just beginning to do it.
Love to you both and all. X
I agree with you matella. I was number for about seven weeks and I knew reality was going to hit me one day. And it has. The realisation this is forever is hard to accept. I find myself hoping that in my case forever won’t be too long. I find talking on here an enormous help. I think we need to know we are not alone in this. It helps stop us asking why me, because it’s not just me. So many are on this journey, it’s heartbreaking. Take each hour, each day. And cry when needed, never suppress tears…x
Dear Sheila. I have heard so many echo the same story of being treated like someone to be managed rather than as a person in their own right.
I already feel I just want to be left alone with my thoughts and only open up to those who truly understand, or at least allow me to be myself.
I can’t bear it when people try to fix it rather than just accept that what I say is what I feel. I know I am blessed in many ways but sometimes I want to scream that I don’t feel terribly lucky right now!
Sure we all know that feeling.
Yes this forum is a godsend. I hope we all at least begin to feel level if not a bit more optimistic for the future soon.
Love Matella xx
How are you today Sheila, I’ve been thinking of you. We are now in November and my son’s birthday is this month, the first time he won’t be here for me to fuss over…x
What a tradegy for your friend. Her family must be devestated. And young children with out their father. I have heard such tragic stories since my son died. So many people living with such pain. It’s hard to focus on the future when your heart is in the past. I would try not to think far ahead, just this week maybe and if you get through it then focus on the next week. Any further is daunting. some people do keep very busy but I think they have to deal with the loss at some time. My son had bought his own house and it was next door to me so he would always be close! Now I will have to sell it. It will feel like taking his dream away. Take care today Sheila, it’s good to hear from you. Geraldine x
Having to sort out our loved one’s possessions is heart breaking. It sounds as if both of you are facing this now. A house is going to be tough for you Geraldine. I am intending to attend to my daughter’s next weekend . Dreading it.
Today I went to see some good friends that knew my daughter well. Every time I tried to talk about her I just cried. I gave up in the end and talked smalltalk. I came away feeling disloyal to my lovely girl. I felt I should have tried harder to talk about her. It was fine with them that I cried but they were so upset for me.
Does anyone else feel guilty if they have a few ‘normal’ feeling moments where they can function even though they still feel so sad. My child is on my mind 24/7 but if I get these brief 'normal thoughts I wonder how this is possible after only 11 weeks.
Sorry, having to consider everything from every angle.
Lots of love to everyone. I know we are all in the same boat. Xxx
Yes matella I feel like that too. It’s an exhausting pendulum swinging in all directions. You feel sad, you’re crying, you’re lonely. Then you stop crying for a while and chat with a friend and you can feel the guilt building. In my head I’m saying ’ this can’t be right, chit chatting and my son is dead’. It’s partly why I don’t go shopping etc. That is 'normal life’s and it feels like I’m being disloyal to my son if I join it again. As I say such strange emotions all the time…x
Such a relief to hear someone else feels the same. Thank you so much. Xx