Derek, I’m so sorry. I understand exactly how you feel. I lost my husband of 22 years on November 28, 2023, after a month-long hospitalization. I feel so lost and scared. And of course no one can even begin to understand the pain until they’ve experienced firsthand. It’s definitely a process. And we’re all different how we individually cope with such a devastating loss. We must proceed in our own way, on our own time table.
Please know you’re in my thoughts. And everyone on this site has your back, too.
Thanks for this. Sometimes you feel that nobody understands. In a way I’m a little fortunate that my mother lost my father at a young age so after a long illness so she has some understanding and calls everyday. It’s the suddenness that is debilitating though I had no time to come to terms that my wife may die. One minute she was there and the next gone. Coming to terms with that is a struggle
Yes, Derek, I understand completely—the suddenness of the loss. The devastation cannot be put into words.
For me it was a month-long roller coaster ride of repeated hopefulness and dashed hope. Day after day. Bob would rally; then, one day his body finally gave out. He could no longer endure any more trauma and suffering.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Everyone says with time life will get better. Right now, it sure doesn’t feel that way.
It must be hard with the repeated highs and lows. I think if we can take each day as it comes and accept that anything we feel is valid, we will eventually move forward. I believe that there is no right way to do this. Take the time to look after yourself and embrace where you are at any time. Don’t let anybody tell you how to feel or behave. Only you know where you are and can find your answers.
Today was my husband’s memorial service. It was for immediate family only. We are having a celebration of life in June for the friends and family. I’m exhausted and finally able to cry. I said good bye today and asked him to save a place for me. I think I needed a memorial service for closure. My heart goes out to all of you grieving for your partner.
@Sadiedog i am glad that the service has brought you some comfort. It is still very early days for you and there are so many adjustments to make in our lives. I’m over 5 months now but it still seems unreal, I have to keep reminding myself that he is never coming back and that I need to focus on a future with out him but I really don’t want to. I do think that I am starting to make progress at times but at other points I feel guilty about even considering doing stuff that he doesn’t know about. They say time is a great healer, I just hope it is so
Bless you all.
I agree, Derek. You’re right. We cope with our loss in our own way and in our own time as unique individuals, with unique circumstances and relationships with the person we lost.
My heart breaks for everyone reaching out on this forum. The loss of a spouse/partner is monumental. Likely the most difficult thing we will face in our lifetimes.
Everything is different now; life as we knew it has been turned upside down. I’m preparing for a very long journey. My hope is I’ll become a better human being at the end.
Yes i agree . It is alonely road we have to travel i can truly relate to the feeling of loss and total devastation we are feeling . But for me personally . 2 years later and the third christmas without my darling girl wouldnt want me to not have a life . It is a very very hard decision i have made that i have to take that first step on my particular journey to some sort of future with the time i have left . I can only wish all the very very best for you all and may you find peace xx