Hard to cry

I lost my husband suddenly on December 4th. I was out of town. He had been feeling punky with a cold and I had FaceTime him the night before. We had agreed on him going to the doctor that next day. The following morning I called to say good morning. There was a 2 hour time difference from where I was visiting. He didn’t answer after numerous attempts. I became panicked and called the neighbor to go check on him. They found him on the floor beside the bed. Our border collie dog by his side. He had just turned 65 years old. Just got his Medicare card. Applied for two pensions. But yet to receive his first paycheck. He had medical issues his doctors were watching him for. But nothing urgent. Just rechecks every year. My adult sons were 3 hours away from meeting the sheriff and coroner at our rural home. I was a lifetime away by car and airplanes. Currently I’m staying with one of my sons in a different town. I can’t grasp him being gone. I’m not at our home. Sometimes I expect him to text me. We are having his service next weekend. Maybe that will help. I miss him so much! 45 years of marriage and we had another chapter planned for retirement. He had the bucket list! He completed my life. He gave me everything I ever wanted and needed. Now he’s gone. Why is it so hard for me to cry?


It’s the shock. But then when the tears come they will flow endlessly. Lost my soulmate December 12th and all l do is cry. Wish l could dream about him but l can’t. I can’t even arrange his funeral as l have to wait on the coroner. It’s so painful. Sending hugs xx


@Kearray and @Sadiedog It is such early days for both of you. I lost my Soulmate of 35 years in July and I thought I was doing pretty well but the Christmas season has brought back all the rawness and loneliness. I spent Christmas Day and Boxing Day with my family but came home yesterday, I have spoken to nobody since arriving home and except for a man coming to service my cooker tomorrow I am not expecting to see or speak to anyone again until I go for a hospital appointment next Tuesday. I will be glad when the holiday season is over and life gets back to normal, normal is not good but it’s better than this jolly holiday season where everyone but me seems to be having fun. It’s now gone 11am and I’m still in bed, feel I ought to get up but there is nothing to get up for. Sorry I’m waffling. I started this to try to offer condolences to you both and I hope that you both have the love and support from family and friends that you need at this time


Well I cry . It just catches me when I’m not expecting it . I’m not a praying man far from it but if my wife came into my dreams it would be much to much . I miss her like you wouldn’t believe and to have her there in front of me it would be a living hell . I think with the grief it’s our subconscious protecting us from more pain . That’s what I hope is happening .To wake with that image no no no please no !!

some people do, some more than others and can go on for months. my dave died 20 months ago after 48 yrs of marriage and apart from the first couple of days, i havent cried since. i would love to have him back and that none of this ever happened but it wont. in the last 20 yrs i have lost about 50 friends, family and people i know and i gave up crying about it yrs ago. only a episode of highway to heaven might make me cry but thats it. sorry i know this might make me sound hard but you get immune to it after a while.


Well I think you may be in the very small minority there !! . But of course it’s how we deal with it and the impact that person had on your life !!

1 Like

Oh and good luck on the highway to
( heaven ) . I’m afraid You may find it a very very long way !!!

I reflected on your use of the word immune from crying and felt a rather sad for you . As the only time I will be immune is when I am no longer here myself !!

dont feel sad for me, after losing so many people you cant cry over evryone. i cared a lot about my husband and was his carer for over 10 yrs and we were expecting it for a long time but not the way he died. nothing is going to bring him back no matter how sad it is, i have to get on with my life as best i can without him. he would be the same. as for heaven i am not religious and dont believe in it. sorry

My heart is broken. I sit numb and I can’t concentrate on anything around me. I kiss his urn and his picture hoping to feel him. I try to remember his skin and his touch. I’m dying inside. Maybe if I could sob I would feel better. I have tears. But I want to scream and cry. Why can’t I? Why do I sit in quiet denial. I need to wake up! It’s been three weeks. I need to weep myself to sleep. Now I don’t sleep or eat. I’m just existing.


@Sadiedog this is very early days for you and there’s a long way to go. I’d love to tell you it will get easier but everyone is different and while some can move on very quickly for others it will be a much longer journey. I thought I was doing well, I lost my partner of 35 years at the end of July very suddenly and unexpectedly but this last few weeks with Christmas thrown into the mix I feel like I am back on square one. I can’t stop crying, the loneliness is intense. To really add to the joy I had Covid just before Christmas and now have got an awful cold. I feel so miserable I just wish I could join him because this is no life for anyone


Oh please don’t think I am a believer . I am a confirmed atheist and hate the way people are always saying oh my god . Most say it inplace of a swear word . I just think you should be kinder to your self that’s all I was trying to say . All the best x

I feel for you . You will feel better . I am still coming to terms with losing my wife but by minute bit it will get better . I have some of my girl ashes in silver and resin pendant around my neck 24 /7 With always with me as she is . And your loved one will always be with you in your head and your heart . Bless you sending you strength x

Lost my wife of 34 years unexpectedly on 7th November. Felt a little ill in the morning so i told her to have a lie down and I’d get her up for lunch. When i went to get her she had passed. I am also numb and finding it hard to deal with. What i have found is that little things set me off and I’ll sit and cry for half an hour over what seems to be nothing. I am lucky that I have a dog to look after or I wouldn’t get out of bed sone mornings


I too have a dog to get up for. She is grieving terribly. She was alone with him after he passed. We don’t know for how long. She refuses to lay on anything that has his scent on it. I think it’s too soon for her. Me I can’t get enough of it. I sleep with his coat and his pillow. I wish I could see him once more to hold him and tell him goodbye.


I lost my long-time partner of 22 years a month ago after a brief and unexpected illness. It’s hard putting into words all the feelings associated with losing one’s life partner. I think two words sum it up pretty well: It hurts.

I think about Bob’s suffering while hospitalized during the month of November. At times those thoughts bring relief—the debilitating pain is over. Bob is free of pain. He endured way too much. It was sad, difficult, and scary being at his hospital bed (in and out of ICU twice) each day. An emotional roller coaster ride. The anticipatory grief was exhausting and unbearable. I didn’t realize at the time.

I have Bob’s picture on my phone; it is a young and vibrant Bob at age 25. I feel close gazing at him in that photo taken in 1969. I talk to, kiss, and hold Bob’s image to my heart. I tell him how much I miss him; that half of me is gone. That I wish he’d come back. Sometimes I feel overwhelming hurt and sob; other times peaceful and Bob’s love.

These past weeks, I’ve asked Bob to send me signs. He has responded more than once, telling me to focus on the happy and joyful memories. After 22 years, almost every item, piece of furniture, eating utensil in this house has a cherished memory, or memories, attached. I keep the bird feeders stocked, for Bob (and me). We love and enjoy watching the birds. The morning after the day of Bob’s passing, I opened the living room blinds to a brisk yet sunny day, and there, in the yard, were ten Mourning Doves. I choose to believe one of them was/is Bob. At least one, sometimes more, has visited each day since.

We’ll get through the devastation of losing our life partners. For me, it will take time, as it will each of us, I’m sure. But we will make it. When we’re ready, and in our own time, the wonderful memories will replace the sad ones. We’ll be grateful our paths crossed, we came together, and find comfort knowing that one day we’ll be together again.


thank you i will take your point in hand. sorry if i offended

No no not offended at all . It really is a difficult for us all . And not helped by the festive season . X

I’m so sorry . No one will have the words of comfort as I have found . Your not alone my friend . Loving someone is a is an amazing experience untill it is taken away from us . But no one can take away the memory’s you have of your wife . All the best !!

Not been keeping up cause I’ve had a horrible week. The New Year hit me like a train. I realised that it would be the first one for 34 years without my best friend and partner by my side. All the plans we made for this year have either been shelved or I am looking at doing them on my own. I have basically shut down and am struggling to see a way forward for now. Have decided to do what is urgent and concentrate in looking after myself.