I am finding it hard to cope with great loss of my partner, who after two weeks in hospital, died of cancer. Its been 5 weeks since we lost her to this terrible disease, which previously she survived twice. At times it feels as if I going out of mind with the grief and longing for her
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Hi @Keif. I’m so sorry you have lost your beloved partner and that you find yourself in such dispair. 5 weeks is no time at all and everything will feel so raw and so impossible to bear at the moment.
Sadly I have no advice that can make the pain any less, but do keep posting on here. I find it has helped me to feel less alone in the pain and heartache and there is loads of support and no one judges you for anything you may be feeling.
It’s 15 weeks for me today and it’s still a struggle - but we all have to keep going just one day at a time.
Sending love and strength to you xx
I know how you feel @Keif , Cancer took my beloved from us.
Your reaction is to be expected, I feel the same.
After a year my mind has now accepted she is not here, but my heart continues to look for her, like a puppy in the window, waiting for her to come home.
You are not going out of your mind, it will take time, it’s all part of the grief process I’m afraid. I read your words and feel your pain, just hang on in there and only do what you feel able to do, one day at a time.
Thanks for your reply. It is all so raw. Its almost impossible to stop crying. I have never cried so much and constant. Can’t stop thinking about her and our life together. We have a daughter who is equally heartbroken. She has been so supportive.
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I know, after a year I stil cry, to the point where I have to stop because i am in physical pain and so snotty I cannot breath and need to blow my nose, sorry to be so graphic.
Somehow these words bring me a little peace:
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I lost my husband to terminal cancer January this year,i can understand what you are going through,I find taking one day at a time helps ,it is early days for you and i know grief is horrible,but you will find the strength to cope .Hope this helps.
Thank you. Those words do give some peace. Trouble is I am still in the phase of not wanting to let go. She meant the world to me and its hard to imagine life without her.
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Keif, I feel the pain. My beloved was the most wonderful person in the world in my eyes, I’ve just been trimming our roses and I started crying again.
She was taken way too early and I struggle without her, she was my everything. I do know that if I had died, I would want her to get through this and be eventually happier, and I know she wants the same for me.
This was not the plan, we still had so much to do and I had never been happier in my life, so bless you, I do understand, hang on in there
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Sorry for your loss i lost my husband to terminal cancer January this year .Try and take everything hour by hour ,or day by day ,what ever works for you .
My husband died 5 weeks ago. I drag myself through each day, taking it an hour at a time. There is no incentive to do anything though. I have lost my future, our plans have all gone. It is difficult to find any joy in life.
I have also been outside in the garden, trimming our roses. My arms look like I have been in a fight with an angry cat.
I try to carry on keeping the garden nice and the house clean. Then I just wonder why I am bothering when there’s nobody to notice or share it with.
On better days I hope he can see that I am still trying. I like the poem, it gives hope. I know that my husband would want me to be happy and content and I do really try to not give in to the grief. But it isn’t easy.
Love and hugs xx
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I feel that I am trying to fight an un-winable battle at the moment and although I know I need to not give up, I also need to recognise that I also can’t be me at the moment.
If I was fine then what does that say about my love for my husband.
I’m giving myself a hard time about not being able to do everything that I would normally be able and wanting to do, but as I’ve lost half of us, I don’t know how I could be back to normal.
If I had been in an accident and had physical injuries then I would need time and space to heal. Along with treatment.
I think posting on here is some of my treatment as it helps get things out where I can’t otherwise and helps me feel less alone. As for time - well I think it will be a long and bumpy path in front.
I’m still doing stuff - some helps and some doesn’t - and the days feel really dark at the moment but I just need to believe that if others can do this then so can I.
But my way and in my own time - whatever that may be.
The pressure for things to be back to normal is huge - much of it from myself - but lots as well from people who can’t or don’t want to be alongside me while I grieve and am sad.
It takes very special people to be with you at this time and whilst I am sad that my family is not up to the challenge, I do have friends who are here for me.
And this community is a life line when things are overwhelming.
Sorry, I am rambling on again but it helps me make sense of where I am at the moment.
Thanks for listening - or if you are sensible you should just really skip this post. 
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Well, I am a lot of things, sensible isn’t one of them. Your posts always resonate.
Like you, I am stumbling around trying to make sense out of the unacceptable. At five weeks I think the initial shock and disbelief is wearing off along with the numbness. He isn’t coming back and now I somehow have to live with that.
The phone calls have tailed off and I am sad that some people are already expecting me to dust myself down and get on with life. I truly hope those people never have to experience this.
Today has been a bad one, for no particular reason. I just woke up knowing it was going to be one of those days and have been moping around feeling sorry for myself.
Sending you hugs and hope that tomorrow will be easier. Xx
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I think we are allowed to mope and feel sorry for ourselves as this is the hardest thing we will ever have to do.
And while we mope, we can start to heal a little maybe ?
But it really is shit xx
Sending a hug for the rest of today. Xx
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Hi W. Thanks for your comments. Never known such an emotional roller coaster ride as this. Yesterday was a really bad for me, but today has been a tad better. People should let you grieve at your own pace - there is no set time limit. Like you say the only way they will understand if they went through this loss themselves. Sending you hugs too and hope tomorrow is easier for you too. x
Roni not rambling a really thoughtful and helpful message thank you. It’s good to be in a group that understands
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