Hard to see my daughter suffer

I just lost my partner in crime a few weeks ago after a long battle with the corona virus. Never thought she would leave me alone at this stage of my life. I think I am coping ok, although the real shock might come after everything is behind me (ie. funeral and all the paperwork/admin that comes in this period).

But although I am feeling ok-ish, my 12 year old daughter has a really hard time.Most the time she is acting like a hard cookie (copying me I guess), but I can see she is so hurt, which in turn hurts me. We have been looking at educational grief videos on youtube etc, and it does help a bit, but still, it really hits her so hard. The fact that it is school holidays doesnt really help, as all her friends are on holiday and she has hardly any contact with her own age group.

I guess that after the funeral and school starts, things will graduately get better for her. But I would like to know what other widows (as I just got this weird new title I guess) with young kids have done to support them. I always classed myself as a ok parent, but now I feel I am not doing enough, but dont know where or what to improve.

Then I get the worry about having to change my work, as can’t keep going with my full time job, as my little one needs me as well. Facing an uncertain future doesnt help that fact (no BSP or support as we were not married or civil partners). Oh well, have to stay strong and positive and hopefully pick up some experiences and advise up from the people on here

I am so sorry that you’ve lost your partner.
I wonder if childrens grief book might help your daughter. Age specific.
Admin might be able to give you a list of books for children or even searching the forum might come up with a few titles.
This is a lovely site. People understand how painful and raw it feels. I know I would have been very lost without this site.
Take care

Please speak with your daughter’s school. They should be able to arrange specialist support for her. As those of us in counselling can testify it sometimes helps to tell someone you do not know how you are really feeling.

Hello @pvl,

It looks as though you are new to the community so welcome and thank you for bravely sharing your experience, how you are feeling and for reaching out for support in this way. I’m so sorry to read about your loss, the hurt you and your Daughter are feeling and your worries about work, etc all of which is completely understandable.

Given what you have written in your post, I wanted to share some useful websites and support services which might help you and your Daughter process what you are going through, separately and together:

Hope Support Services has an online community and also offers online one-to-one support (both through Facebook) for young people aged 11+ dealing with terminal illness or bereavement in the family.

Winston’s Wish supports bereaved children and their families.

Grief Encounter and Hope Again both support children and young people experiencing bereavement.

As Sheila26 has suggested, your Daughter’s school may also have a student support worker (or similar) who can arrange appropriate support for her when she returns in September.

Keep reaching out - please know you are not alone.

Do take care,