Has anyone else felt this way ...

When my lovely Andrew passed away last June, I found great comfort in having his ashes next to me together with a large photo. It felt as if he were still with me in a way.

However, around Christmas, I started waking up in a very dark and resentful mood and missing him greatly. That comforting feeling has disappeared and I feel the big hole he left very acutely when I wake up. Once I get going and start working (from home), things get better because I have things to do.

Has anyone felt this transition?

Thank you and love to all. xx

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Hi @SSTC22 ,

Thank you so much for sharing this with the community :blue_heart: I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I just wanted to let you know that you have been heard and you are not alone.

Take good care,
Alex

I feel resentment to the world often. People are taken far too soon sometimes. I get it more at night when my little boy has gone to bed and I’m alone with my thoughts.

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I think you are experiencing somewhat relatable transitions here…at first i felt that darren my partner who also died last june was with me carrying me forward and in the early days it really felt like his spirit was near i was in deep shock and could barely function… but yes by christmas time i had and have changed to darker feelings that he isnt here he is gone and im alone left to pick up the pieces of mine and my childrens lives…i dont resent him for not being here i resent not feeling his presence anymore as reality sets in slowly the truth dawns that i am alone very alone and all that darren was now feels very far away…having nobody to help overcome my grief has made things somewhat worse which is why ive turned to this group chat which i came across one lonely morning in the early hours…i think even in these few days ive been lifted…ive been listened to and ive taken heart from hearing the painful stories of others…the folks here are actively responding and supporting each other…i hope my reply makes some sense and maybe helps a little in understanding your own grief process as the journey is far from static and sharing your pain is important to gain strength to live again…its such early days we have a way to go but i pray we will get to where we need to be which is more than just surviving…i know darren would be broken hearted to know how much im missing him and how hard even the simplest tasks are to perform each day i am trying to honour the blessings he gave me which are my 2 wonderful sons and be strong for their sakes despite feeling like a part of me died when he did…god bless take care x

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Thank you, @Pony for your sensitive and sensible words; that all makes perfect sense to me and has helped me put some of my thoughts and feelings into perspective.

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Right now this space is all i have to try and make sense of it all…away from these pages i live a very solitary life and the need to just be able to say to someome who understands me that im suffering is strong…mornings are the worst im so down i get up at 4 drink coffee smoke endless cigarettes…think about Darren and cry…thays how its been every day since i lost him…like you as the sun comes up im better able to cope but the pain is still there…i find myself angry and irritable a lot of the time and what once brought me joy in life i no longer care to do…all the things we did together which was everything we loved together only serve to hurt me and haunt me…can you relate to this …i wonder if i will ever do those things again…even walking the dogs makes me cry…hes there in my memory at every turn of the path…the places we visited i can never got there again…when i look into our garden im filled with sadness for all that we created and were still creating all just left starting to ramble already…