Hello Mooey. I can understand what you mean. I lost my Dad to Suicide at 10 years old. I am 52 now. It’s true about lacking the emotional tools to deal with grief at that age. Grief through the eyes of a youngster is a totally different concept to an adult’s isn’t it Were you an outgoing child that preferred to cry and shout openly, or did you bottle things up, how did your remaining parent interest with you, did they show emotion openly, were you supported by extended family, friends, teachers etc. Factors that all influence us. We are similar ages and I think in those days children were more likely to be kept at arm’s length more than today’s children. I think it’s a generation thing but it meant that sometimes things weren’t discussed openly, and so may tester and re-emerge sometime later. I’m not saying this was how you experienced your loss but it was for me and as a result I also feel like I didn’t grieve at the time properly. I don’t have a lot of memories of my Dad and I don’t revisit that time of my life often I am the oldest of three children, my brother being just under three years old at the time and a middle sibling and I don’t think any of us have really “confronted” our loss. It’s been experienced and is part of our life story but hasn’t been “confronted”. I don’t know if you feel the same? I am aware that my loss has had an effect on my whole way of life, some effects are more subtle and in the background but they are there. I was reading today about grief being patient, very patient, and it will hang around and wait until it’s “dealt with” thoroughly. I’m beginning to feel that is very true. Especially so following the loss of my Husband a while ago. If you decide to have counselling I dare say it will be very difficult but the experience may bring some comfort to you in some way. I haven’t spoke to a counsellor about my childhood loss and believe I should have really. I’m sorry I can’t be more helpful, I seem to have wrote a lot but not actually said anything, but I can understand a liittle of where you are coming from. I hope writing on the Forum here has helped and hope you get a lot of replies that are helpful. Kindest regards Tina.
