My husband died on the 15th June aged 47. He was only in hospital for 4 days before he had a cardiac arrest. I am broken. We have 2 children aged 9 & 10. I know I’m in shock still. The pain is killing me. I want to lay down & die but I can’t because I couldn’t put the children through losing another parent. Everything is either making me sad or angry. I cant stand to look at families or couples or old people. I feel cheated I feel like he should still be alive. I want to trade with him so the kids still have their dad. Their pain is also killing me. They are trying to be brave in front of me because they don’t want to upset me anymore than I already am. I feel dead inside, I feel like my life is over. I just want him to give me a sign that he is still with us. I cannot cope with the thought of never seeing him or touching him or hearing his voice again. I cant look at his photo or read his texts or watch videos because it is like a knife in my heart. I think I need help. but don’t know who can help me. I don’t think anyone can help me. All I can think of is everything we had planned to do together as a family. Birthdays, Christmas, it’s all so painful. I cant talk to or be around anyone who has a husband. Why should their husband be alive & mine is dead.
Hi Shadow my husband passed away aged just 45 of a sudden heart attack he has left behind our two son’s aged 15 and 18 and me totally heartbroken…even though it’s nearly 4 and half months the pain can be horrendous. I totally get where you are coming from looking at other couples older people it’s just part of the grieving. All I can say is take each day hour at a time don’t push yourself as you say you are in shock and will be for a while then the realisation hits you like tsunami again.
I am currently on betablockers for the anxious bouts that I get and believe me I have the same feeling about lying down…but I can’t do that to our boy’s Jad would be upset with me so I exist for my boys and I keep going…big hugs xx here if need me or message me…its very early days, I’ve joined a group called WAY last week its for young and widowed it’s really helpful because you dont feel alone and its for widows our age and there is quite a few widows on there with young children too …when you are feeling upto it have a look at their website …take care Amanda xx
Thanks for the reply. How can anyone else know what we are feeling. I’ve just dropped the kids off at school & have come home to an empty house. I honestly don’t know how my body is going to cope with this. It feels like it’s literally killing me
. The waves of realisation are too much to deal with & all for nothing. Nothing I do can bring him back. That’s why I feel like dying. I want to be with him so much. Life has stopped and as you say I just need to get through it now for the kids. My heart has been broken & it’s unfixable. I really need to talk to others like us. I joined WAY last night. I’m hoping theirs a group near me that can offer the kids at least some comfort.
Aww it’s awful isn’t it, it’s so overwhelming from the pit of your stomach…just try small steps…give yourself a pat on the back you took the children to school you got up this morning that’s a massive achievement …have you got friends nearby try and go for a coffee I know that helps me it’s a shame I don’t live near I’m in Stockport the WAY group I’m in is for Cheshire and Lancs I think…they will be groups for you and your children .
It’s a long journey we are on but here if you need to talk x big hugs x
I’m in Knutsford we were living in Dubai but had planned our move back before my husband got ill. It should be such a happy time for us but everything reminds me of how he should be here to enjoy it with us. I can’t enjoy any of it. I’ll be in the same WAY group. Do they meet often?
Hi once you have signed up you will be sent an email with different events the have planned for eg a walk in Bury for the children…there is also a meet in Manchester for adults unfortunately I’ll be away.
Hope you are feeling a little better today.
My husband died three months ago. Like you I ache all over. Everything is a first time without him. It’s coming up for the holiday we had planned and I’m still going. My son and his partner are flying out to join me. I hope I’m doing the right thing by going. I’m very down and weepy at the moment and hate to see all of the couples doing simple things like shopping together. Weird things like that really annoy me.
I can’t offer words of help as I think our loss (in my case married for 39 years) is too great.
Every day I’m getting more exhausted and grief stricken but hope things will turn around otherwise I’d be letting my husband down. Life is a nightmare just now and I’m lucky to be heavily supported by family and friends. It’s like living in a vacuum.
Hi my partner died on March 17th aged 42
He died from bacterial meningitis caused by an ear infection he had he was only ill 4 days in hospital before I had to turn his machines off I’m 36 and feel that part of me went with him
Life is so unfair and like you I wish I was with him there’s nothing for me here now we had no children im just in a daze all the time I miss him so much here if you need to talk or pm
I’m so sorry for your loss, I have been here also my husband passed away at the age of 26 just before our sons 3rd birthday. I was 24 and looking back now I don’t know how I have come this far. I wish there was something I could say to make the pain go away but the truth is there isn’t. All the posts I read I relate to them in lots of ways, the feelings, the emotions, feeling lost, lonely and not wanting to live any longer and all these feeling are ok and to an extend they never go away however they do ease and i have just learn to live with all the thoughts and feelings better .
I was stronger than I ever imagined and through the love of my son we are doing ok, we still have bad days and we get through them together. Eventually I asked myself what my husband would want for me and our son and the words of love, support and encouragement he would give and this did help. Don’t look too far into the future and what it looks like right now just take it day by day and talk openly to your children if you are able to do so. If you need to talk you are welcome to message me. Take care big hugs …Rachel x
I’m so sorry for your loss. My husband died suddenly on the 4th June I’m 53