Has it been too long?

My father passed away nearly 3 years ago and I don’t feel like any of the pain has gone away. I still get many days where I just want to cry and not leave the house. It still affects me physically the most, and I don’t know if anyone can offer any support of how to deal with this? I’m currently on a waiting list for face to face counselling but thought I’d reach out on here.
Any suggestions would be much appreciated.
Thanks

Hi Beth.m

I am sorry to read about the loss of your Dad coming up for three years ago. It is a very hard thing losing a parent. My Dad passed away over twenty years ago and I am told I looked as if my world had caved in. It had. It took me many years to be able to think about him without crying. I lost my Mum just over two years ago and have been going through the same horrible time again.

It is really good that you have got the possibility of counselling and I feel so sad for you that you are having to wait for this. Is it worth going back to your GP and telling them how awful you are finding the wait? The online bereavement counselling service on this site might also be something to consider if you are feeling really bad.

When Mum passed away I was told to be kind to myself and thought it a silly statement but do understand it more now. It is taking time for yourself each day. Even ten minutes spent doing something nice just for you. In the summer I sat in the garden with a coffee and just let my mind wander. If I thought about something sad related to Mum and cried then the next day it might be a happy memory which boosted me up for the rest of the day. Not so pleasant now the weather is cold sitting in the garden but the coffee continues and remembering Mum each day. Even over two years on it is my time and it has helped me reach a level of acceptance for what has happened. Acceptance yes but not liking the situation though.

A not so healthy suggestion is sweets. I found the act of unwrapping and sucking a sweet could often stop me from crying. I always make sure I have a packet of sweets in my bag following a few tsunamis on buses!

Do take care of yourself Beth and keep coming back here if it all feels too much. People are kind and all share the sadness of losing someone or having that to come.

Mel
Xx

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