Has anyone found comfort with a challenge old or new or taken up a new hobby as a diversion to help channel their grief?
Me and my husband have always enjoyed keeping fit, particularly running, tragically I lost him suddenly 8 weeks ago, he had done half marathons & 10K and was planning to run his first marathon this year. We both loved Parkrun and would go most weeks, he was very competitive and loved the challenge to try and get a PB. Since we lost him my son has run with me (he’d never run before) we’ve been going well and today I ran 28:17 my fastest for 5 years, it’s like losing him has driven me on, the focus and satisfaction from my efforts is definitely helping my pain. I know he’d be so proud of me. What has helped you?
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Hello @Jacque29,
I’m so sorry for the loss of your husband. Thank you for sharing this with us. I’m just giving your thread a gentle, “bump” for you - hopefully someone will have some thoughts to share.
Take good care,
Alex
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Ive discovered music, too many ways,.if I’m honest, and I’ve had to cut back.
I joined, 2 ukulele clubs, 1 banjolele club bought 2 guitars, joined two choirs, and I’m currently learning to play keyboards and the flute
The good news is that whilst giving me pride,.I’ve gained loads of new friends, and with the instruments,.I can play them at home. Plus, with my flute(as a special challenge) I can play Penny’s favourite tunes to her sitting on a rock on our favourite beaches. It makes no difference that I’m not very good.
Without music, and my dogs, I’m just not sure how I would have coped.
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That’s fabulous to hear, whatever helps I say, we need diversions and something to focus on in these difficult times. I had joined a choir last year, I absolutely loved it and hope to get back into that in the spring, I’m too emotional to sing at the moment. Respect to all the instruments you play badly or not, I took up the Ukulele 18 months ago and am still very much at beginner stage.
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Well done @Jacque29 . The ukulele, whilst not the most musical instrument, it’s brilliantly easy to begin playing, isn’t it
In a group, usually a U3A group, within 5 minutes, you can be strumming a C chord along with your new mates, singing quietly (whilst the others do the other bits,) and you are a musician!
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Hi,
Loving the positivity 
& it’s good to hear you can find things that can distract & take time out from grief.
Personally, I have taken to playing movie roulette, I buy movies from charity stores, pretty much at random, just pick any 3 movies I’ve never seen before. I see it as an opportunity to try new things, & experience different genres. I have found some amazing movies, & some rubbish ones, & even if I don’t like them, they’re from charity stores, so it’s still doing some good somewhere.
I also love reading, my “To Read” pile is 200 books high, it’s fair to say it’s become an obsession.
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I realise that we all have a tendency to look at our new activities as "distractions’. I did! After a while I grew uncomfortable with thinking of them in this way, because when I stopped doing them, I went straight back to my “bereavement” thinking. It was only painting over my cracks
Bit by bit I managed to turn my thinking of them into something more permanent, eg “This is how I want the next chapter in my life, I’m going to make it part of my life”. It’s no longer a distraction, I can still go back to my "bereavement " thinking if I choose, being stronger! I talk to my wife, telling her proud of myself I am.
Can we turn our new activities into something more social and satisfying? I have a friend who wanted to do more running, he was bored with running alone, so he joined Guide Dogs as a volunteer and acts as a guide for a blind runner. They do Park Runs almost every weekend, plus the occasional half or full marathons, including the London Marathon. They are so proud of themselves, and so are we.
Just a thought!
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I like your way of thinking!
I have seen guide runners at Parkrun and at other events, what an amazing rewarding thing to do. New ventures are definitely good for us, life is for living!
I’m planning on getting back to my choir in the spring 
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Such a wonderful post. I’m picking up my crafts again, last year I wanted to attend our local makers markets with my crafts but never managed to. So I need something to aim for and focus on right now, I’m going back into the craft room again. Also I’ve just started some seed sewing and I’m trying to look forward to lighter nights and spending time in our garden. I find nature is a healer. Hoping this all helps, if only a little.
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I am now secy. of the astronomy club. my father taught me about the stars. i also joined a church group and teach an adult ed class on famous Norwegians. it took time but i did it. also belong to a writer’s group and finally self-publishing a book. write for magazines and produced podcasts on Germans and Norwegians in America. it took effort! it took about 8 years. but it has been worth it. i know my parents would be proud how i have carried on. now, i seek a spouse, another real challenge. but i did all this on my own. it can be done.
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That’s all incredible - well done you!!
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Started playing the guitar again and getting my stepson dave to get my keyboard out of the attic
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I think the average couple get stuck in that mundane existence… Sure still love each other but more times then not they take each other for granted, the passion affection that once was there constantly dipped… That honeymoon period where seeing them took your breath away was swapped with a face you’d say morning to and go about your daily duties… Once you’ve lost them only then do you see everything so clearly that you could have done better, shown more love … More affectionate… More caring… When I lost my wife… I considered following her into the void… As many others I’m sure have thought the same once or twice… I found myself a grief buddy someone on here just to swap stories with… Helpful tips… Someone to cry with on them darkest days… Over the months and rackering up messages 1,000 lead to 10,000 deciding to meet everything just fell into place… Now nearly 3 years later and 30,000 messages we are living life to the fullest… Every regret from our past we’ve corrected… 3 years and still in that honeymoon period… I think when your life is shattered and destroyed, your heart tore into parts if you make it through the other side… Life is beautiful… More amazing then it ever felt before… I feel for the first time I’m alive and living. Sorry for long post just felt like sharing 
I wish each and everyone the strength to get through each day easier then the last.
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That is incredibly powerful thank you for sharing. I agree a lot of couples take each other for granted, you just don’t expect the unexpected, almost living in oblivion, I think you can often lose the feeling that coupledom brings, especially when you have young kids and or busy jobs.
Personally after I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease of which there is no cure or certainty, it totally changed my outlook and I began to live in the moment as did my husband, we talked about our wishes if one of us went and we told each other we loved each other every day, I’ll always be grateful that our last year together was full to the brim of memories….holidays, trips, gigs, moments to really saviour 
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