Just over 4 months since my beloved Rob died unexpectedly and every morning I seem to wake up early and suddenly after having a bad dream and the realisation that Rob’s not here hits me all over again and I feel panicky and can’t stop crying. He was always there for me and used to say if I had bad dreams or didn’t feel well in the night to always wake him. My big, strong, dependable, kind, caring, rock and soul mate. I hate this horrible new life I don’t want and didn’t ask for. It just seems to get worse especially as I’ve been in so much pain lately too with a suspected hip impingement for which I have a scan this week. Rob always looked after me and took me to hospital appts etc now there is no-one. 
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Hi Sal, I’m so sorry about the death of your soulmate, life is so difficult once they have gone, I suppose you always know that one of you will have to go first, but you’re not prepared for it, it’s a few years now since my husband died, and all I can say is that it does get easier, accept all help that’s offered and also accept all invitations that come your way, it’s difficult to start with but does get easier, sending love Jude xx
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@Sal3 - sending a big hug to you, my friend. So many of us on here feel the same way as you. Death came into our lives and took the one we love and it is brutally hard. I lost T in January - so roughly the same time as you lost Rob. I don’t sleep well most nights, and talk to him all the time. Talking into the silence, bizarrely, helps. It is a strange new world we have landed in, a lunar landscape, full of hidden craters. Today, I am having a much needed sort out. Each tiny bit I do is a triumph. I know it will make me feel better to do it - and he would approve. The hospital could organise transport for you, I think, for your appointment. I hope that goes well. Getting on top of that soon could help you feel stronger, too. Hold tight, be gentle on yourself today.
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