I lost my dad in Jan 2022 and have now lost my mum in Feb 2024. I am unable to deal with either loss and losing my mum has sent me off the rails a bit. I am consumed in guilt and blame as I feel I should have seen the signs earlier. I usually go out a lot but have not wanted to see anyone. I just stay at home. Can’t be bothered to make an effort in the house. I also have a son which I see in the weekends and it is a huge effort to put an act on as if everything is fine. I cannot see myself getting anywhere near back to some kind of normality or happy in any way. Drinking doesn’t seem to help much either but i have discovered it numbs everything for the few hours. Just need to deal with everything and don’t know where to begin
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I’m so sorry for the loss of your parents, @Bustix. You are not alone. You might want to connect with @heather2460. She has also sadly lost both parents and you may understand some of what each other are going through. She posted this thread earlier:
The loss of your mum is so recent. Grief is hard work, so please do try to be gentle and forgiving of yourself. You mention that you don’t know where to begin, so I want to share some resources with you that may help.
- Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
- Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
- Our free Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat
- Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through.
Take good care and keep reaching out.
Seaneen
mine are gone, three years apart. considered a short time in parental love and loss.
you cannot be expected to engage with the world as you did before loss.
parents and their love shield and protect us and then when that is gone, the world is a lot less friendly so it is right and natural to withdraw.
also, after losing loving mothers and fathers, we have to nurse our own selves back to health and happiness, because they are not there to love and comfort us to get us back into life. now, we end of up doing that for ourselves.
if you don’t have your spouse or partner that is harder as a spouse is supposed to care for us during this process. if you can stop the booze and replace it with water. grief is very dehydrating. or add lots of water because you may not know you need it and are using alcohol to hydrate.
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I’ve lost mine also, though the span in between was longer. I thought losing mum was hell, but this… it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, trying to find the will to care for myself, alone, in their absence. I’m not nearly there yet and like you I struggle with guilt and can’t be bothered to make an effort in the house. Or, indeed, with much of anything.
I’m sorry I don’t have any solutions. I guess the only thing we can do is to take small, small steps, testing the ground. It might be worth finding a counsellor to talk to, someone who listens to all the crazy thoughts. And this board has been invaluable to me these months, I do hope it will be helpful for you too. 
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Just remember .the more u love the more it hurts…just try to think positive thoughts.
And think what ur parents would want for u.namely that you should carry on with life as before…don’t mope and stay in house get out and about and be among people.try and start a conversation with some…most folk are nice… doesn’t matter how long it takes .every one is different… Remember u are master of your own future and destiny… no one can live your life for u…and lastly the more you put the plan into operation the easier it gets …
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It’s soo true that grief is the price we pay for loving And it’s an BIG price in my experience. The longer the attachment to the person that has now gone, the greater the grief. Try and hold on to the fact that your loved one LOVED you. As a child they nurtured you and encouraged you to walk your own path through life. Thats love. So try and love yourself as they loved you. Surround yourself with self love safe in the knowledge that you are honouring your loved one(s) by not being beaten down by this. Don’t cry because they have gone, smile because you had them in your life. They helped make you the person you are. Honour their memory by remembering this when times are hard
Sending you love. Xx
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