Since my husband died I have pictured him in my mind sort of like a photo. Sometimes it has been a slightly fuzzy photo.
Now, when I see him in my mind it is a very clear video.
It is almost real, it feels so very close to being real.
For example, I looked down the garden path and I could so clearly see him taking a few steps. It wasn’t an hallucination, I knew it wasn’t real, although of course I wish he was still here.
The difference is how clear it is. It really does feel almost real.
Is it shock wearing off?
Is it my mind trying to bring him back?
I don’t know.
I wish it brought me comfort but I find it so distressing as I know it is not real.
Oh Rosé,
That is so hard for you.
Sending big hugs.
I feel rubbish today for no particular reason. Feeling that loss and just wish I could talk to him about ‘stuff’.
Also thinking of all our friends on here feeling so lost .
Thanks Rose.
We were together a mere 4 yrs but had the best time together. I miss his sense of humour, lovely smile, wise words etc etc the huge list goes on!
Oh God I miss that man beyond belief.
Blessed with a loving family and loads of friends but when his sadness creeps over you, nothing can make it better.
I know we all feel the same but just needed to say that s as I know everyone will totally get it.
Big hugs all round.
How far are you into this @RoseGarden ? Because i think it was after about 6 weeks after i lost my husband … went to shop and as clear as day i could see my husband walking down the road , in his favourite coat … bless my darlings heart. I found it distressing too because i knew it wasnt real … then i read this article that said its the brain trying to catch up with the reality of what has happened … thats why we have these visions because the brain hasnt caught up yet with our new life xxx
I just hope it has helped ! Because it happened to me and freaked me out too !! I had to run home !! Xx
I used to see men wearing same coat as my husband and then i had to just check again it wasnt him … its so sad isnt i t ? So sad what has happened to us and our beautiful men
And youre early days … just be kind to yourself xxx
I want to explain something I experienced last night.
I hope it helps others who have experienced this to feel they are not alone or are not grieving enough.
After going so very low on the grief rollercoaster and feeling so hopeless, others on here stepped in after seeing my post.
Thank you
Something else happened and I started to question myself.
From crying all the time, I was not crying and my brain was not reacting .
I suppose I felt emotionless.
It was such a complete change which I admit, really unsettled me.
Also, tomorrow it will be 16 weeks since my husband died. I thought shock only numbed us at the beginning of grief.
Looking this up online I found the term emotional numbness.
If I have understood the information correctly, emotional numbness is the brain protecting us. I think it has had enough, been overwhelmed and switches off.
I don’t know how long it lasts but it is a form of self preservation.
So if you experience this complete emotional turn around, it seems it is your brain trying to have a rest.
Hi RoseGarden,
Thank you for that. Very interesting.
I haven’t actually experienced that but can understand that it makes a lot of sense.
That said the day of my partner’s funeral (back in February) I felt completely like that and assumed it was the due to the enormity and sorrow of the day.
Also with the emotional agony that we are experiencing, it makes sense that our brains must allow us all some time to heal.
Hoping you are over the worse of Covid at this point.
Take care Rose and all the other friends on our forum.
Thanks RoseGarden,
So pleased we have such a kind and caring community.
I know our weekends can be tricky (to say the least) but the support on here definitely helps so much.
Sending love to everyone .
xx