Nearly 10 months since Mum/ Jenny died. Why am I still counting? Time feels chaotic and meaningless.
Everyone thinks I am ok but I’m living a half-life, not really alive but obviously not dead.
Want to get away from this place where I grew up and where she died. But won’t be moving any time soon. So I feel like a ghost, floating around. Disconnected.
Trying to get stuff done, trying to connect with anyone, anything outside my head. I do a great impression of someone who has a zest for life… why am I pretending?
And yet I’m being a terrible partner at home, staring into space, not talking.
Don’t want to be this way. I see people having fun, happy to be together. I can barely smile.
Family has disintegrated since she died.
Feel there’s only emptiness ahead.