Having a bad everything…

I went back to work on Tuesday, I WFH. It’s just such a struggle. I really did love my job and now, I have absolutely no interest whatsoever. Will this get any better? I honestly thought it would be a complete distraction but I’m thinking about my Martin more. It really is a living nightmare. Anyone have any tips about coping with a return to work? Xx😔

6 Likes

Hi Dottie
I didn’t return to work but I did have our allotments to look after and I had to get working if I was to keep them. I returned and it was hard work at times. I spent most of the time crying, Just wanting him to be there with me but I persevered and so pleased I did as it gave me a focus. What would I be doing now if I had given up??? Everything is hard work in those first dark days. I am now starting to have interest in things that I thought was long gone when I first lost Brian. I have just let it happen and we know when we are ready.
Good luck

4 Likes

No tips I’m afraid but sending love and support.
I went back to the little bit of work I do, which is running an exercise class for older people. That requires me to be upbeat and engaging for them so for that short time each week I have to do that. It actually does me good to have to pick myself up although I do still sometimes have a few tears whilst there. I have known most of the class members for many years and they understand but would still rather I ran the class than not.

3 Likes

Hi Dottie, I went back to work about a month ago. It was probably too early but I had no idea what to do. I work partly from home and part in the office. It’s really hard. I cry a lot of the day especially at home. In the office I’ve just said up front I know I’m not pulling my weight and if I cry they just need to work around me. I have a great team but no one really talks to me about it. I know they care just from the fact they let me be. I started with my camera off for zoom meetings but then thought sod it. This is my life now, this is me now, I look like I’m grieving and it isn’t going to change anytime soon. I also escape to the loo for a weep now and then. My Martin worked from home too so i keep listening out for him downstairs and everytime i go down for a cup of tea its devastating all over again that he’s not there. When i was in the iffice I used go for a walk at lunchtime and phone him for a chat, so now i just dont take a lunch break.
I suppose my advice is not to be too hard on yourself, if you can, be honest with your team about how you are and what you can do.
Everyday after work I try to go for a walk as Martin and I did before he died. It was easier before the clocks went back as it was still daylight and I could go around the park or woods and try to see him through nature, and to be honest let out whatever I’d held in all day. I’m not sure what I do now it’s dark and I have to walk where other people are.
We had a week holiday planned for this week so I just took it off and stayed at home. It has been every bit as awful as being at work just less people.
I think someone else posted about distraction and is this what their life consists of now and for me it seems that is all we can do.
I hope you’re doing OK Dottie and that you have supportive colleagues you can talk to
Take care x

2 Likes

This could have been written by me. My Martin also WFH and I’m the same, I have my office upstairs whilst Martin worked downstairs. It’s heartbreaking going down to make tea as you say, I’m alone. My team have been fantastic; I haven’t returned to my full position, just supporting with a few projects. I have managed one to one on Zoom but haven’t been in any meetings. It doesn’t help that I don’t sleep… I’m still on the sofa. It is 3 months today since my life was torn apart. My Martin was 47 and we had so many plans, it all seems so pointless now. Sending you a hug…x❤️

3 Likes

Hi Dottie,
I went back to work after 7 weeks. It was hard I cried all the way there on the first morning back. I’ve worked there for 28 years, my colleagues all knew my husband well and they are very supportive and gave me space.
That was 18 months ago, the job I used to love is hard going now, I have no motivation or energy. I go every day do what’s asked of me and come home. I miss Doug so much not being at home with a cup of tea ready and asking how my day had gone.
I keep getting told work was good for me a good distraction and filling my days giving me purpose, probably it was, I don’t know.
I can honestly say I’m now just counting down the months until I can retire next year, I know staff don’t want me to leave, but it’s time to go.
Take care
Debbie x

6 Likes

I too went back after 7 weeks, but I just couldn’t cope. I took a leave of absence for the whole of October. I’m trying now as I need a distraction, but it’s dam hard, and I’m not sure if it will help? But I suppose doing something is better than just sitting here, day in day out doing nothing. Sending you a hug… x❤️

3 Likes

Hi

I am really struggling. I went back to work in the office after 5mths off . I just feel it’s pointless and my work doesn’t mean anything to me anymore. Listening to the girls talking about what I feel is rubbish talk.
They are supportive.
What is my life about now I don’t have my husband now. I really hate my life.

3 Likes

I resonate with what you are saying. Weve bith lost our soulmates. Everything we did was as a couple …the loss is tremendous…worst thing ive ever experiencec in my life . My thoughts are with you and we shall be strong together x

2 Likes

Yes i get it…my hub died a month ago 56 now all our plans are gone…no future…theres nothing…i only wanted him …i love him…im not motivated in anything just miserable and miss him terribly . My thoughts and love go out to you x

2 Likes

Hi @Dottie72, just wondering how you are coping with work now?
I’m finding that I can go longer during the day without sobbing but the minute the PC goes off the grief just washes over like a tidal wave. It’s exhausting but my sleep is more disturbed. So I’m coping better with work but worse with life generally.
How are you getting on?

1 Like

I’m the same! I can on most days cope but like you, once I shut everything down….comes the tears…. I have a few colleagues that I’m close with and on Monday I just sobbed to one on a Teams call… it doesn’t help that it’s so dark and cold ( how I feel inside as well) I’m also trying to avoid things all Christmas and I’m not going out at all anymore…. It’s just crap….xxx❤️

2 Likes

So sorry for the loss of your beautiful soul mate…:pensive:…… I am amazed that I’m 4 weeks back at work, don’t know how I’ve coped tbh… this time of year makes it so much more painful. I’m not doing anything related to Christmas, it was our favourite time of year. Like you, once I finish work, I’m back on my sofa, flicking through Netflix, it all feels so pointless…no motivation to do anything…. sending you love x​:heart::broken_heart:

2 Likes

It is crap. I keep feeling these waves of complete horror at what has happened. Christmas yeah, that’s for the outside world. Take care of yourselves everyone xx

2 Likes

Sending you a big hug… x​:heart::pensive:

1 Like

I tried to send you a private message; let me know if you haven’t received it? Xx​:broken_heart::heart:

2 Likes
Back to top