Natasha
Thank you for your message.
Like you l am alone inside, like your husband l am not a great talker, it is my wife’s presence in the house which l miss. Come 5.45pm each evening l look at the phone waiting for it to ring with a call from her asking to be picked up from work but it never rings. My heart lives in hope that it will but my brain tells me it will never happen.
I am only going through the motions at work. My mind keeps wandering and like you it does not seem my own anymore.
Your children are still of an age that they need your support and guidance and you need to be there for them and gives you the reason to keep going. My sons and step daughter are in their 30’s and are independent and do not need too much support or guidance. I think the only reason l keep going is for my grandson and that l would not want to put my sons and especially my step daughter through more grief after the passing of my wife.
There is really nothing to look forward to in the foreseeable future as all my hopes and dreams of a happy retirement with my wife in 2024 have been cruely taken away from me. I am just existing l am not living.
I will keep posting as l find this is the only way express my feelings as l don’t want to be a burden to my family as they have their own lives to lead.
Take care x Trev.
I think we are all suffering the same and can understand Howe were all feeling .:, ??? My husband died in arms at 4am xmas morning… how can I ever have a happy Christmas again I am already anxious about next xmas I want to sleep all the way through it and not see anyone .:: does anyone feel there yearning for there partner ? Joel amd I have never spent a night alone unless I was in hospital at certain times … we were going to adopt children next year and move don’t know how to be strong enough to do it alone … do it says I’m having survivors guilt… anyone else feeling like this ? Guilty for eating , and even breathing …I’m in despair and and I know you all sound like you are too let’s all support each other xx
Loulou42
We are all suffering the same. My wife passed away 3 days before Xmas. I dropped her off at work and never saw her alive again. Like you l am dreading this Xmas when everybody will be happy and all l will want to do is be quiet and feel what l have lost. I would sleep through it if l could but it will be my grandson who will probably pull me through.
My grief and loneliness is eating away inside me. I have nothing to look forward to in the foreseeable future.
Continue posting on this forum as l find it is a great help to offload your feelings without burdening family members who have their own lives to lead. Take care Trev x
I’m so sorry you lost your wife this xmas too Anytime if the year is hard but xmas is like you say when most people are having fun … I remember looking out the window xmas day at all the neighbours thinking look at you all … having xmas dinner and opening presents when my joel is laying there gone … bless your wife what’s her name it sounds like it was very sudden and unexpected , I lost my mum like that too to from a brain anyrysum so sudden , it’s good you have your grandson but it still doesn’t stop your suffering… we all feel your pain or can relate to it … we’re here for you x
Loulou42
Thank you for your message.
Xmas’s from now on will be very hard for me and you, when others are having fun.
My wife’s name was Alicia. She was a staff nurse at our local hospital. I dropped her off at work as usual at 9. got a call from her about one hour later saying she was in A&E following a heart attack and they were preparing to take her to a specialist cardiac unit in another hospital 10 miles away. Then about an hour later l get a call from A&E saying could l get there as soon as possible l got there and she passed away just after l got there from a sudden cardiac arrest. She was 64. I never got to see her. I have been in total shock since that fateful day. It was her funeral a fortnight ago today and thinking about it l am welling up.
My 5 year old grandson does ease the pain but l only see him occasionally usually at weekends for an hour or so.
Take care x virtual hug.
Trev
Your dear Alicia sounds like a wonderful lady … I’m sorry you have experience this . It’s very traumatic and I can understand your pain and the shock of it all . I also know what you mean about Christmas it also feels to me it will never be happy again and I want to sleep all the way through xmas or be on my own to ignore it . I guess we have to try and take it day by day as the future for me is too frightening to think of alone . I am 42 my Joel was 44 we had so many plans together to adopt children etc … I am scared to live with out him : I. Can feel your pain too from your message and I wish I could change it for you . Are you spiritual at all ? I am and so was my Joel …
Loulou
My Alicia was a wonderful wife. It was both our second marriages and l was devoted to her just like you were to your Joel. I try not to think about this Xmas yet as it is still a long way off., but l know it will be traumatic.
I have been told by many people who know me l have to take tiny steps forward each day and think of the good times we had together. However thinking of the good times also triggers thoughts of the plans we had for our future retirement in a few years time. People tell me l can still do these future plans when l am ready. I don’t think so not without my Alicia.
Your pain is as mine.
No l am not spiritual at all.
Take care and look after yourself.
Trev x
Dear trev ,
I honestly do feel your pain … I already know by how you describe Alicia that she was a wonderful person. Yes people tell me also to take each day as it comes , but it’s hard not to think about your future when it seems so frightening to do it alone . Your dreams together have been shattered just like mine and Joels … there are so many horrible discusting evil propel on the world and yet this happens to us and our amazing partners … I can’t understand it and I can’t accept it… it’s good to be able to chat to people they understand not that I want anyone to know how this feels , my family are very supportive but some days I can’t get out of bed and want to stay in bed crying … I’m finding I’m isolating myself abit / with drawn … I think everyone on this chat is in this together xx
Dear Loulou
Our pain is unbearable and it is eating me away inside.
I agree there are miserable and horrid people in this world but sad and horrid things never seem to happen to them. As they say the good die young. Someone messaged me today to say l am not a widower but a husband to a wife that has wings.
My family are supportive but they have their own lives to lead. Someday l want to just spend all day in bed but l force myself to get up as l have to work to pay the bills.
I also finding l am isolating myself.
Messaging on this forum helps me alot to express my feelings without burdening my family.
Virtual hug and Take care x
@ Trev …
Just checking on how your coping today ? I know it’s a stupid question. I’m not coping very well but I wants you to know your not alone x
Or anyone else in this chat room
Dear Loulou
It is not a stupid question. Today has been hard as it was 7 weeks ago today since my Alicia passed away.
I was on the train into London when l welled up and tears flowed. When l got to the house l was to survey the owners had their mother’s ashes in a container in the living room and this set me off again.
Is it little things that set you off, like something you see on TV ? It is extremely hard.
I don’t like burdening my family but l do offload to Alicia’s best friend who is also grieving and she off loads onto me. I find this a great comfort as well as this chat room.
Before l came onto this chat room l thought l was alone but now realise there are many others like you in a similar situation.
Take care and hope you have a slightly better day tomorrow but l know it is hard.
Virtual hug x. Trevor.
Sorry guys I am in a mess tonight … and I’m sorry trev I will reply to your message … Iv got myself in a drunken mess I went out with a friend and got so anxious I wanted to come home and lay in bed where my husband was zxx I feel I’m going mental … this is what grief does I supposed… I alway ring my husband when I was a taxi coming home so he knew I was safe … I have no one to call now So tonight I actually rang my husbands phone and pretended to tell him I’m on my way see you in 5 ! Why did I do that xx
Hi Loulou
It’s 34 weeks today since my husband, Ian, passed away. I still text him twice a day telling him what my plans are or what I’ve been up to. So you ringing him to tell him you are on your way is just another way of keeping your husband with you. We need all the comfort we can get to help us in this nightmare.
Take care of yourself and try and get some sleep.
Julie x