Am a mess today, don’t know why every day is bad, but some days I just feel so full of despair. I am in so much pain. Nobody else seems to really care. It hurts that other people don’t care that he has gone, especially his own family. He has two sons and grandchildren and they only used to get in touch when they wanted something and since he died not one of them has contacted me not a message or email, nothing, I knew they were selfish and uncaring, but even I didn’t think they could be that calous. You would think your own family would be heartbroken, but they obviously just don’t care. I hope one day they are alone and suffering, it would serve them right. I believe in karma, so hopefully they will get what they deserve. I don’t know how much more pain I can take. Thank goodness I can reach out to people on here, it means a lot. Sending my love to all of you suffering out there xx
Hi Lynn, sorry you’re having a bad day. As you say everyday is hard but some hit you more than others don’t they. I am lucky because I do have good family support, but they have their own lives to lead & I tend to keep my sadness to myself because I don’t want to bring them down all the time. I thought I’d made some progress after 2 years & started 2022 with a more positive outlook but had a big wobble yesterday. This journey is tough isn’t it & it seems to get harder.
Sending love & hopefully tomorrow will be a better day 
xx
Hi Lynn2
I’m so sorry you are having a bad day, I think they can appear out of nowhere and pull you back to the start and it’s horrible.
It’s been nearly 25 weeks since I lost my husband, we were together for 31 years, married for 19 and he was 48 when he died. There are days for me that pass for me, I won’t say okay, because they are not, but they pass. But the last 2 weeks have been horrible and I don’t really know why. Today I had to go to the post office and found myself crying on the way home, I don’t even know why. The rollercoaster that we are on is unpredictable and terrifying.
I’m sorry that you are having problems with his family, I think sometimes people don’t know what to say so rather than try they just say nothing. I don’t have much family myself but I did have more friends that have vanished since, and to be honest I’m glad because I don’t want people like that in my life. This group has been my solace most mornings and nights, you know we are here for you. Take care Natasha x
Hiya lynne sorry your having bad I’m lucky I have 2fantastic children so my heart goes out to you take care Annie x x x
So sorry you are having a bad day - there is very little you can do but you could try going out or reading a book - anything would do to give your mind a break - it is the constant misery that gets me down and some days there is no way of getting away from it - I take the dog for a walk and pour out all my misery on him - he is a very good listener my dog and I think he gets that I need him -he is always so happy to spend time with me - you can’t really say that “tomorrow will be a good day” but if it is a bit better than today then that in itself is going in the right direction - somehow we will all find our own way to get through this ordeal and come out the other side maybe not deliriously happy but content with our lot. That’s what I hope for myself and you all xx
Jim4
Grief is a cruel and cunning foe that sneaks up and pounces on you when you least expect it. Its just over 2 years since I lost my lovely wife Jackie and I thought I was starting to turn a corner with feelings of anguish and despair moving off into the background only to be gripped by a bad panic attack out of nowhere at weekend and all the negativity flooded back. A really horrible feeling which leaves me exhausted.A long road ahead but have to try as Jackie wouldn’t want me to throw in the towel.
Hi lilyboost sorry you’re feeling so low, I’m nearly six months and it does seem worse because reality sets in, I find walking towards my house from going to the shops always sets me off maybe it triggers a memory I don’t know we’ve lived here twenty four years and we did everything together and loved walking round to the shops, everything is a reminder and it’s physically painful sending love and hugs xx
Hi I forgot to say I was up at three couldn’t sleep but read Megan Devine chapter twelve and it made a lot of sense about how you will never be who you were before and it’s not about getting through or moving on it’s about where you are now I’ve only just started looking at her book as I’ve not been able to concentrate before but I am finding it helpful, just thought I’d share with you hugs xx
Hi
It’s nearly 33 weeks since Ian left and as you say, as reality kicks in so does the pain and sorrow of what happened deepen.
I’ve been relatively ok today until I had to go into the garden. All the snowdrops and daffodils were poking through and it just brought back the memories of when Ian and I planted them. He told me I was being too fussy and eventually dug a few big holes and threw them in!
I’ve been out with friends this morning but I just can’t get past the fact that I just want Ian back. I can usually fill my days but it all seems so meaningless when I come back to an empty house.
How does anyone ever get past these feelings ……
Take care,
Julie x
Thank you MAB, I shall have a look at her books, I think you start to feel that you are abnormal after awhile, although being on here helps, but I guess it’s because you’re not the person you were before xx
I sorry your having a difficult time . My heart goes out to you , I am feeling the same so I really do understand I havnt got out of bed today having lost my husband at Christmas age 44.
Be kind to yourself it’s ok to have a bad day we are grieving … it’s just so painful isn’t it…
I seem to have really bad days on a Wednesday. It was 6 weeks ago today when my wonderful wife passed away suddenly at work. I am typing this message through sadness and tears.
I went back to the office on Monday so l don’t know how l will get through today without breaking down. I thought going back to work might help to take mind off things, but l have no enthusiasm or inclination to work. My mind is foggy. Hopefully l will get through the day. At the moment l cannot see any future on the horizon.
Take care x
You will get through today Trev - it doesn’t matter if you breakdown nobody will judge you - you cared deeply for your wife and the loss is overwhelming so people around you will know that - so just take a little bit of the day at your pace and try if you can to focus on what needs doing first and do it - everyone is with you - keep going and the day will be over before you know it.
Morning Trevor you had a wonderful wife and it’s so hard a no Wednesday are bad for me as john passed on a Wednesday so please take care lv annie x
Sanbay & Annie11
Thank you for your messages. Today was hard just like the previous Wednesdays especially at 11.25am the time Alicia passed away. I did some work but came home lunch time and nodded off in the chair this afternoon.
Take care x
I’m so sorry you are experiencing this .: it’s amazing that you have managed to go to work be proud of yourself for this … I havnt been able to go to work I was put on Prozac today , the last two weeks Iv done nothing but cry … I feel I’m in despair do you feel like this too ? Do you have children? I don’t we have a cat and she is our baby we both wanted children and was going to adopt next year now I don’t know if i can do that journey alone … be kind to yourself I’m sorry today was a bad for you especially at that certain time of day I can understand why you feel like that . When my mum died (It was me and my husband that found her) every Sunday at 3.45pm I would go through that torture in my head … that was 5 years ago and I no longer have that every Sunday , one day that will ease for you but I understand your feeling like this as I will have this feeling again on Christmas morning at 4am when my Joel passed … I think your doing amazing
Well don Trev - it’s an achievement for you just to go - nobody knows what you are going through(only those in the same position) but you can’t expect them to - it’s unimaginable the grief we are suffering - I hope it eases for you and you walk with it - as time goes by that is what will happen -we have to believe that we can’t change what’s happened but we can try and manage our life and adjust - I was thinking about you - x
Loulou42
Thank you for your message.
It wasn’t the case l wanted to go back to work but l had to (l had not been at work for 6 weeks). I have bills to pay and the company l work for is very small (me and the boss we mainly work from home) and at the time of my wife passing away there without were quite a number of projects l left in limbo and clients are now chasing. However l am going through the motions at work nothing is really registering. I have no enthusiasm.
I do feel in despair. I have sad moments throughout the day but especially when l go to bed and when l wake in the morning. I keep thinking what have l done in my life to keep drawing the short straw when others who are abusive and right ****** live long lives. Both my wife and l were happy in our own company, we never argued once during our 15 years together, we did not like confrontation.
I have a step daughter, her fiancé and 5 year old grandson who live close by, a son and his girlfriend who live 200 miles away and another son who is awaiting kidney transplant who is not far away. They are all in their 30’s and work and have their own lives to lead. I see my step daughter and grandson most Sunday’s, l see my nearby son every other week or so and my other son who lives far away usually every 3 months or so. He and his partner work weekends so it is not easy for me to visit them for a few days. My brother and sisters live 170 miles away.
Basically l can go days without seeing any one except on video calls. Yesterday l did not speak to anyone from when l woke up until my step daughter and my younger sister phoned me in the evening. I have always been fairly independent and do not like burdening anybody. Me and my wife did not really have a social life we just enjoyed our own company.
I will just have to plod on through the rest my life (based on average life expectancy that could be another 17 years) with nothing to really to look forward too apart from seeing my grandson who idolises me.
Hopefully the Wednesday feeling will ease over time. As my wife passed away 3 days before Christmas future Christmases will always heart breaking.
Take care x virtual hug.
Sanbay
Thank you for you message.
As l have said to Loulou42 in another post it was a case of having to go to work.
I agree nobody knows what we are going through. As you say the grief and emptiness is unimaginable.
My sons have sympathy but just carry on with their lives, my wife was their step mum. My step daughter who was very close to her mum is grieving inside but has her son and fiance to phsically comfort her.
When our husband/wife passes away we have no one to physically comfort us with a hug, cuddle or kiss. This is what l really miss as my wife was a very tactile person.
I am trying to manage my life and adjust but at the moment there does not seem to be any future.
Take care x virtual hug.
Hi Trev
It’s been 25 weeks for me today, my husband died about 4 in the morning on a Thursday, and every Thursday has been hard since. I miss him so much, we, like you didn’t really socialise, we were happy in each other’s company. We do have 2 children of 17 and 14 so I am not alone in the house, but I am lonely deep inside. My husband was not a great talker but even the silences are lonely, if that makes sense. I miss his presence next to me, reaching out in the night and feeling the warmth of him. I have not returned to work still, I’m lucky that I work for a large company and have been there many years, but I know I must go back, probably next month, I am dreading it though as my mind is not my own anymore. It is good that you have your step daughter near and I’m sure your grandson gives you reason to keep going and make sure he remembers his Nan, that’s how we keep them with us I think. Take care and keep posting Natasha x