Having the day from hell

Would appreciate a wee bit of tlc as travelling alone back from my brothers and really feel I’m going off my head with feelings of Colin. I have cried all the way and don’t care who sees me. I don’t know where to put myself and angry with people who are still together. Please do what you all do so well.

Just noticed your post so reaching out. Are you home yet? So sorry you are having such a bad day. Xx

Hi JayDee just in the door and don’t want to be here. I miss Colin so much and today is so bad. Thank you so much for your help. Xxxx

Hello Bristles I really thought being away would be the start of healing but there is no healing when you love someone so much. I came home on the bus resigned to joining Colin as I couldn’t cope and the thought made me happier. I am tired of crying, of getting up in the morning anxious and of the pain, the awful pain. I don’t have many friends either and all the things I was going to do to help are done and they don’t. Back to square one Bristles. Thanks again for your words of wisdom. God bless. Xx

Hi, yes this grief thing is hell on earth and I for one didn’t know that it would go on and on but it does get easier or should I say it’s me getting use to the pain. Counselling helps but it takes time and you have to be brave to admit that you have come to the point that without help your going over the edge. Everyone on this site feels the same which does help knowing that you are not the only one and there’s always someone out there who you can tell just how bad life is without your loved one. Sometimes just writing about how you feel helps, well that’s one thing I do, either here or just on a peace of paper. Being on our own is not what we want or ever thought we would be and now that’s what we have and I just wish it wasn’t what I have.
Take each day, one day at a time and hope that tomorrow will be better. Treat yourself with kindness and try to look for the nice bits in each day, things will improve little by little. Blessings S

Hi Katie,
I’m so sorry for your loss and, like everyone else on this site, I know how you feel. I lost my husband 2 days after out 50th wedding anniversary last year but, I would rather go through the grief of losing him than never to have known him at all.
I have 2 little dogs and I can honestly say they have been my lifeline, they force me to get up in the morning and to get dressed and take them for a walk. Of course I meet other dog walkers and we have a chat.
Keep going Katie im sure Colin wouldn’t want you to give up on life he would want you to enjoy it, it does get more bearable and you never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.

Thank you so much for your kind words. I actually don’t know what to do with this lonely life. I am sitting here and Im
Searching through my ipad looking for something to do. At 70+ its not easy. If I’m alone I cry and don’t have any friends who invite me into their perfect relationships. Being with Colin seems like bliss as I don’t have a life without him. I have family but they don’t visit. Thanks you. K xx

Totally agree Bristles. What are we fighting for every day? To prove that we are ok without the people we love? Well I’m not and what do Drs do? Most of them have never suffered this pain and only know the medication side. . I long for the day I am taken to be with my soul mate because I guess he’s every bit as miserable as I am without me. K xx

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Hi there Katie, please accept my apologies, I have been trying to negotiate this site for some time, so I am not entirely sure of your situation - sorry! But please know that I DO sympathise, and send prayers to you!! Perhaps you could be kind enough to refresh my memory?? I lost my mom January 2015, and it’s just dreadful, even now, well actually, she is NOT on my mind all of the time, but is there all the same! I’m probably typing this in completely the wrong section!! Nothing is the same anymore, absolutely nothing - and not too long after mom went I lost a mutually beloved little dog - however, I would be very happy to offer any words of wisdom lol, and advice to you if I can!! Thinking of you…please be so kind as to tell me about Colin, if you feel you can and if it would help??? Kindest regards, Debbie x

Hi Debbie thank you. Colin went to visit family in Australia on 15 March and died on 20 April over there 4 days before he was due to come home. I cry and scream all the time for him and quite honestly can’t see any point to life now. I have dragged myself to an exercise class, to yoga, to walk none of that helps me. I have constant pain like stabbing in my stomach. I even went to my brothers for a week but everyone says its too soon. Too soon for what? I don’t want to be here that’s thebottom line. I have been to gp, counsellor, hypnotherapist and the only slight relief I’ve had is through spiritual healing. Grateful for any suggestions. Thank you xx

Hi again Katie, sorry to be a while getting back to you! That must have been such an awful shock for you…he, miles away in Australia for a start! I’m sorry if I sometimes talk in cliches - however, it is SO very recent for you! Please don’t feel you have to launch yourself into too many activities, for a start, it’s good for SOME to be busy, but we all grieve in different ways and at different time scales…I am also puzzled as to what your brothers mean!!? Too soon for what??? Personally one of the main thing to ‘help’ me, has been my faith, and I appreciate that is not for everyone, but if you feel this “spiritual healing” HAS helped a little, then fine!! Don’t be swayed by what others suggest eg “why don’t you join this, or that?” etc etc that has really irritated me since I lost my mom + Alfie the little dog we both adored…I try to take things at my own pace and do what I feel like doing at the time …I have also been advised to banish the word ‘should’ from my vocabulary!! And that does help…it takes away some of the pressure…I mean who are others (maybe they mean well, I don’t know!) but nowadays I just take ‘baby steps’ and do just only what I feel I must do, eg look after my new rescue dog, walking and looking after her…there is only myself and Minnie the dog! No one else, sister lives abroad…so it CAN get lonely because mom and I would talk, often a few times each day…and I would take her out + about etc - of course, ‘friends’ who I thought were friends vanished, as is often the case! But I am learning to be my own best friend whilst I learn, even now, 4 years later, to adjust and just take one day at a time!! Or, break it down to half an hour or whatever! This is going to sound like a cliche, but Be Kind to Yourself! And if you DO have a faith, then cling on to it…God knows what we are capable of, no one else does or has the right to tell us!! But it IS still very early days for you, and I promise you it WILL get easier, although we will never be the same again of course…take it steady, do nothing if you don’t feel like much…sometimes I just drink tea and gaze into space! Lol it’s good you have seen your doctor, maybe he/she is being suitably sympathetic I hope!!! I understand your desperation and “not wanting to be here” but would that be something that Colin would really want??? I do not think so…and I don’t know what other family you have or pets…take care, keep things simple, and if you feel like going back to bed, day or night then do it…our bodies tell us what we need…and grief can trigger off all kinds of aches and pains…that IS a fact…as can stress…which are all bundled up together with our terrible losses. Keep in touch should you wish to…thinking of you…Debfigroll xxxxxx

Hi Debbie took myself off to a group who have tea and a chat
1-3 on a Sunday.met some pleasant people they were very welcoming, then cried the whole way home and have just stopped. I have a son and daughter and 4 grandchildren between 19 and 26. The oldest is a nurse in Australia, the youngest is 19 and has been good but the 2 boys and son and daughter consider me strong and haven’t come near me since the first week. I am so lonely and can’t sit alone for long as my grief becomes overwhelming. I know Colin wouldn’t want me to do anything but I miss him so much the pain is suffocating. I think my brother imagines I should sit and get used to the grief but as I said I just can’t. I think I am so disappointed in those who have now disappeared from my life. Thank you for taking time to write it is very much appreciated. K xx

Hi, all you have written is so sensible and right. I hope others will read your post and take heart from all you have written, even taking care of yourself which is easier said than done but is so very true. God bless you and yes keep smiling. Blessings S

Hi Ashtrees40, what a lovely pseudonym! I can relate to some of what you say, especially about your dogs, bless them! I too, have a rescue dog called Minnie, and can honestly admit that without her I would have gone completely round the bend! I think that in spite of ourselves, the longer we ‘go on’ things DO kind of get easier although exactly how I cannot clearly define, at least not yet! Good days and bad days in a way! Yes, I too meet fellow dog walkers on our travels, and I endeavour to get out with Minnie every day, finding the fresh air helpful…and as I trundle along I talk out loud to my dear mom who died January 2015, and I pray…folk might think I am barmy, but I have long ago stopped caring about what they think!! I like your last sentence about us not being strong until that is the only choice we have! Very wise! Kind regards for now, must go and feed HRH Minnie loL xxx hope we can liaise again! Take care!! xxxx

Thank you!! Kind regards x

Hi Bristles. Regarding medication this is something we really do agree on. There is absolutely no pill that can cure this pain. I wonder if it might be the placebo effect that is working !!!