He never came home

It’s been a month now since my wonderful husband, only 53 years old, went out on his road bike, suffered a major heart attack and never came home. We have been for just over 26 years and the loss is indescribable. The support I have from friends and family is wonderful but as the days go by my grief seems to worsen. I receive texts from friends saying they hope the days are getting easier and I know they are being nice, but the days are getting worse and seem longer. I really do feel that I have to force myself to breathe sometimes and the future just looks like a black hole of lost plans and dreams. I am jumping through hoops getting bank accounts changed, car ownership changed etc, and nothing seems easy and it just feels like its an extra level of stress. This site has helped me realise that what I am going through is normal but at the moment I am having trouble dealing with anyone without breaking down. If anyone has any helpful advice for dealing with face to face matters or telephone calls I would really appreciate it.

So sorry about your loss. What a tragic shock that must have been, we never expect people to never come back when they leave home.

Sorry, don’t have much advice in how to deal with people over the telephone and when you see them, the only advice I can give is that I would tell your friends, when they text you, that you have been to a bereavement forum, and people say it is normal for things to not be ok for months after the bereavement, and that you appreciate them hoping that you are better but that it will take many months before you reach any sense of normality. I sent this text to a friend, and I felt it has really helped, as he no longer feels the pressure to keep saying he hopes I am better, and I don’t feel the pressure to keep pretending I am.

I am sorry fro your loss and that you have had to join this community. My experience here is that people are nice, they are going though what’s happened to you so really do understand. I lost my June 8 weeks ago and I understand about the days getting worse and the future as a black hole of lost plans (very acurate description I think).

The only way I was able to get the practical things done was by writing lists of the jobs - bank account etc, and doing it on-line if possible, but for phone calls and face-to-face, then I’d write out what I need to happen, apologise up front that I was liable to lose it at any moment. Just about everyone I had to deal with were helpful and sympathetic. I have only just notified the bank and apologised for the long delay, they were fine, no problem they said and explained what they wanted from me to sort things out.

It’s early days - you’ve done the legal stuff - registered his passing etc, now you do what has to be done, when you’re ready to do it. If you can, you could ask a friend or relative to help you.

Anyway, that what’s working for me, but you’ll find what works for you
Take care
D

Hi…just a thought but when I needed to sort out bank accounts and other legal things I found that most had a dedicated bereavment dept …staff were very sympathetic and the process was helped hugely by thier speaclist departments …there is also another site I’m not sure if it gov .uk on line that can notify all major banks that participate in the scheme off a bereavment …so you dont have the added stress if I find it I will repost the web address …what helped me was the compassion and understanding that I was shown during that time …I hope you find this experience to

Hi I had a similar kind of experience , my partner was only 51 went into hospital for routine treatment and never came home , even in shock you are expected to deal with practical things and I cant remember half of the things I actually did , but they have to be dealt with , talking on the phone I was always direct about my circumstances and state of mind and told them to be patient if I seemed distracted

I do wish people would phone rather than text!!

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