He was the last one to touch that.
It is 8 months since I lost my dearest Glen yet I still have those almost daily moments of coming across things and realising he was the last person to touch that and getting that pit in the stomach feeling. Today it was some Niger seeds for feeding the birds in a bag which he had knotted. Although I have taken over his job of filling the bird feeders ,which was so hard at the beginning but I always feel like I am doing it for him, I had not put out the Niger seed feeder until today.
What will be the next thing? The garage is full of things that he touched last. Pieces of wood, tools and countless other items. Every time I go in there I have to brace myself. In some ways it is wonderful to connect with something which he touched but it is also so painful because I will never feel his touch again.
Oh, how I feel the same thing and I am further down this road of grief. I have just given some sprouts from our garden to a neighbour because I can’t eat them but they were his favourite, hard, sad but I suppose that’s life. Sorry I am writing this but I know you will understand. Please look after yourself and thank you for sharing these experiences. Last thing, I don’t know why each year I still grow then S xxx
I feel the same I haven’t moved anything of my husbands
broke down seeing his things in his garage,my husband passed away 22 weeks ago today and it’s getting harder to cope without him,first time I’ve ever been on my own miss him so much this grief is painful
Dear Judy and everyone
I do SO understand this about the things he touched and will never touch again. My darling had a little pile of coins in his pocket and put them on his bedside table before getting into bed with me for the last time. Those coins are still there 9 months later and every few days I pick them up and clutch them in my hand. His toolbox (our toolbox as he called it) is the worst for me abd really sets me off. It’s full of useful little packs of things he bought me like Stanley knives and batteries and whatnot. I miss his common sense and practical help and love and cuddles so much.
Love to all
How poignant @Maigret. Another object that caught me was by his side of the bed he had a vintage style calendar that he would turn every day to say what the date and day of the week was. It is still stuck on the one day he was home from hospital after a cancer operation before he had to go back in and he never returned. He died 9 days later. It is still there stuck on that date which he turned it to.
So many reminders, so many things we look at or touch that go straight to our hearts.
My husbands toy room (never a man cave, always his toy room) lies as he left it, his soldering iron, his model knives, his boxes & boxes & boxes of models, glue, paints. I don’t think I’ll ever take that room back.
I get this so much. My husband died in January after a terrible 14 months with cancer. At the end of the month, I am going to our little flat in France. First time since he died and first time alone. The last time we were there, September 2020, he was well. We had no idea, when we closed the door, about what horror was to come. I have to open the door again and go in. I am dreading it. I have not properly grieved yet - too many problems and probate…It is there I will lose it, I know. This is so hard. It is good to find people who understand.
Hi @Vancouver this is a very brave thing you are doing. Are you ready? It is still very early days for you. You do need to ‘lose it’ - to have time to yourself to grieve and if this is the best place to do it then do so. I booked an air bnb a couple of months after my husband died and then cancelled it as I realised I was not ready to go away alone. At the time I thought it would do me good to get away from the daily reminders. Do what is best for you but my advice would be is don’t do anything that you dread. Wait till you are stronger and be kind to yourself. Take care
Many thanks, Judy - this is wise advice. It is difficult to go there but I have legal matters to sort out that can’t wait, really. It is in a ski resort - so lots of friends are there at the moment - another reason to go otherwise the place will be deserted - which would be worse. I am so glad to be able to share things on this forum - it is one of the best, I think.