I read this a couple of days ago - “Talking to the damaged part of the psyche is one of the best ways to heal unresolved trauma and negativity.” So I looked up psyche " Another word for the place where your thoughts come from is your psyche . Not your actual brain, but whatever it is that generates all of your thoughts and emotions. Psyche comes from the Greek psykhe, which means “the soul, mind, spirit, or invisible animating entity which occupies the physical body.”
It's been nearly 7 months . My psyche needs gentleness, and some surcease from the endless tears and the chaos it has been overwhelmed by and immersed in. I'm the only one who can do this for myself.
Triggers: At the beginning of this trauma, everything was a trigger. All my senses were exposed and raw and open. I had no control, nor did I try to find any. My only release was in my tears and anguish, and that was totally acceptable. As the days and weeks passed I did start to regain control in many ways: I could go out in public; I could talk to strangers; I could say “I lost my husband” without breaking down. Small but important milestones. I often wrapped my arms about myself and rocked and comforted myself as if I were a hurt child and found it brought some small solace.
Recently, I realized that several moments before I burst into tears (caused by some trigger), that there is a physical sensation in my chest - a pressure, a whelming up. I also realized that if I tried immediately I could sometimes prevent the tears, not always, but enough that it gave me hope. Sometimes it works when I can feel myself slipping into the bad memories that cause such intense pain. I take a deep breath and say “no I’m not going there”, and immediately try to think of something else - anything else. It’s as if I am tricking myself. That got me thinking about triggers.
I realize that for months I have been following a course of “behaviour” that is somewhat of a vicious circle. I allow myself to be “triggered” and burst into tears, which relieves the “pain” that the trigger caused. This has become a habit - almost second nature. I am trying to break out of this and to a certain degree I think I am succeeding. I know that I will always “just burst into tears” and that certain things will always be painful. I know that it is alright for me to cry whenever, wherever…but I must say it feels darn good to have even the smallest bit of control…I feel that my psyche needs this now …