Heart breaks every day

Life after bereavement
#1

I used to think you’re heart could only break once. Now I know different it can break every single day numerous times. Just been crying my eyes out came out of nowhere. Oh I miss my sister so so much. Its so damn unfair. Reading this forum I know it’s not just me fealing this way. My sister was a year younger than me. I didn’t realise not truly how blooming important she was to me. I guess you don’t do you, you just assume that youl always be there youl grow to be dithering older ladies together. You imagine youl deal with the passing of you’re parents side by side. Everything has altered the whole family dynamics. It’s like being in a weird world nothing feels real. Oh I don’t cry every day not like it was in the first few months… She died in April brain cancer just over 3 months from Diagnosis to death so a utter shock. But still every day I wake think ohh ill ring… And the sick feeling the hurt hits me again

I heard that my bro in law had been away overnight with some woman. How he gets away with it re the covid I don’t know. Maybe they pretend to be a couple instead of just pick ups from a, blooming dateing site. He also has lost a bracelet he had with some of my sisters ashes in it. Very upsetting. No doubt lost it in a hotel room. I just do not get how in less than 6 months you can loose you’re wife, claim you’re devestated then start sh**ging around. It’s just arghhh words don’t cover it.

You know my sister spent 9 weeks in hospital. 5 of those we knew that the Dr’s weren’t going to do anything else. For 8 of those weeks I wanted a second opinion from christies at Manchester but my bro in law refused. Now I think I know why. His wife died, he bought on the insurance pay out a audi tt at 25000,he bought a 18000 motorbike. He decorated the house, he threw out her clothes, he sold her jewelery, he got rid of her dog, he joined a dating site and replaced her. I hate his guts. I just had to get that out.

#2

Hi Paula. Now that is so sad. People can be really uncaring, or appear to be so. None of us know what was going through your brother in law’s mind. He may be escaping from reality in the only way he can. I am not making excuses for bad behaviour. It must have been devastating for you to see your sister in hospital and in such distress and him apparently without caring after.
You are so right. We don’t really appreciate what we have until we lose it. The world goes on around us when we feel it should stop because of our pain. I still find it difficult to see older couples together when I am on my own. Yes, it does seem as if our hearts break over and over. It’s nearly two years since my wife died and the missing is still very much there, but I soldier on as she would have wished me to.
Take care and be as kind to yourself as you can be. Blessings. John.

#3

Thankyou.
Had a good old cry this morning whilst out with my dog. It still doesn’t feel real.

#4

I feel your pain, but sometimes people don’t cope well with grief. My father-in-law did the same. Many many years of marriage Then his beloved wife died , he met a much younger woman at the cemetery and within 5 months of his wife’s death she’d moved in. My husband was devastated. I myself lost my husband to sudden death last year he was only 55. But I’ve seen so much loss over the years and everyone is different. People grief different, some do throw there selves into new relationships to ease the pain off loss, sex is the thing that makes them feel alive after such a massive Loss. I had counselling after my husband died as the Shock nearly pushed me over the edge. I’m alone still but I understand why some people go for Grief Sex , just to feel something again. Doesn’t mean it’s love . I for one had an amazing husband and I don’t think anyone would come close but who knows what the future holds. We have one Life only, we’re here to try and be Happy. I’m Sorry he’s hurt you in this way. I hope one day you forgive him as we forgave my husband’s Dad. We do what we can to survive. Maybe that’s his way of trying to forget. I don’t know ! Keep strong. Xxx

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#5

I know that technically he’s doing nothing wrong it’s just hurtful plus there’s other issues that are too long and comicated as to why I’m very angry at him.

#6

Hi Paula my son died from brain cancer in July 19, we were lucky to have him for four years after diagnosis , but treatment was brutal. It amazed me and broke my heart at the same time the punishment his body took. He was a month from his 30 birthday when he died.
Im so sorry for your loss, i knew nothing about brain cancer before, its an awful disease. My sons partner was dating online within three months, he is self centered and competes with us like greif is a game to win. I understand when you say you hate your sisters husband. I have cut myself off from him, my son had changed will as after bailing his partner out for the third time during chemo he did not want him getting hands on any more of his cash. He recievd only a small amout. I try to think about the happy times we chat about him often i keep in touch with his friends. They send me cards and chat about their wild exploits as he cant get told off now. Itbrings me comfort.
I worry about my daughter, she is a single parent of two girls and I knew they would have each other after we are gone. I hope you have family and friends to support you, I hope that in the future no one will loose their loved one this way xx

#7

Gayle
Yes brain cancer is brutel I too knew nothing untill my sisters sudden diagnosis. So sorry you lost you’re son and so so young.

Yes I felt my bro in law poo pood my greif, pushed aside our parents it was initially like ohh you don’t understand I thought ffs I’ve lost my only sister our parents have lost a daughter and you say we don’t understand the pain.
Then he benefited financially and bragged over how his worries were now over and he wouldn’t need to work again. Ohh I could swing for him. But it’s easier to have no contact.

He’d joined a dateing site too like you’re sons, partner. If he’d not actively gone looking but had met someone in time I think that would have been different but to go looking felt, feels like he was replacing someone unreplaceable.

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