My partner of 15 years died 5 weeks ago from a heart attack aged 66. I found him at home on the living room floor. I’m devastated, the funeral arrangements and contact from family and friends kept me busy initially. His funeral was 2 weeks ago, since then I’ve had my siblings and a few good friends checking up on me. The pain is still raw, I’m ok for a couple of hrs then I’ll sob my heart out. I initially found all the photos, texts and emails he’d sent me along with playlists he’d shared with me on spotify. I tortured myself, reading them and listening to voice messages he’d left me over and over again. I’ve got to the point where I just feel exhausted now and I don’t want to look at them as they make me cry. I’m wondering how I’m supposed to move on from this? I’m off work on the sick and not sure when I’ll be able to return. Is this normal?
Yes. There is no normal 
. My partner died feb 13th and i went back last month
I feel exhausted, havd cried 4 tomes this evening sorting out paperwork and had a breakdown in adli as theg only had his favourite wine in a large bottle! You’re doing amazing 
So sorry for your loss.
My wife passed away on the 8th March. She was my girlfriend in 65 and we married in September 67.
Losing anyone you have loved is bloody hard let alone someone you have loved a long time.
As already said there is no normal. Also no right or wrong way to grieve.
My days are full of tears. I get little sleep so utterly shattered most days. On the plus side, I am retired, however I am 79 so not sure how much longer my body can take the battering.
Keep talking to people or chat here. You are not alone.
Take care
You are not alond John too
I lost my darling wife of 52 years, she had Parkinson’s and I looked after her for the last 20 years. She passed away just over a year ago. I thought, Why am I still here, what is the point. I will always love her, I will always miss her. I still get upset, But I find that I am a bit better at managing the Grief. I try and remember the happy times, like when |I did something that made her happy or smile. or something she did that made me laugh. Maybe in the recent past it made me cry, but now it gives me a warm feeling, may still the odd tear, but it is worth it.
I am so sorry for the loss of your husband, it’s an horrendous journey we are on.
I found my husband when I got up to go to work, the shock was devastating, I relive that moment every day. Everything changed from then on. Our family unit went from four to three, the void he left is unbearable, our house is no longer a home, it is empty of happiness.
I too play back the videos and read his messages, it truly is torture.
Go back to work only when you feel able, I tried it and it was so difficult.
Sending you my love xx
My husband had a heart attack at my feet April 2024 he was 65, I am 10 years younger. My boss came to his funeral 3 weeks after his death and thought I should return to work ! I coped with his funeral on diazepam and prosecco ! Not the ideal mixture but it for me through it !
There was no way I could return to work in a holiday company checking in “couples “ on their holiday ! I went back in June about 10 weeks after , just on reduced hours and a year later I am still on the reduced hours ! In the year I have learnt what triggers my grief and I can distract myself through it , I understand I will never get over my husbands death and I will always grieve for him but slowly I am learning how to live with grief a little better , grief will never be my friend , but I guess if I am going to live with it for the rest of my life I need to be able to understand it .
@Marnie10
I lost my partner 9 weeks ago very suddenly. We were just getting ready to go out for the day. I think because it happened in a morning that is now my worst time of the day. I’m in tears every morning. Plus I think realisation has dawned he isn’t coming back
When John first passed I read n re read his texts to me and slept in his T-shirt and looked at his photos on my phone and had his lovely face as wallpaper on my mobile.
Now I find I can’t do any of those things and changed the wallpaper. It’s too painful just now but hopefully I’ll be able to soon.
It’s a horrendous journey we’re on and sometimes I can’t see a future without him but that’s how it is and I can’t control or change it.
Let’s hope it gets easier at some point 
Mitzi, I used to be where you are, but one year on I get happy feelings looking at some things that I once had to put away. I now look at my wife’s pictures and mainly feel ok and would not be without them. I am glad that when I put them away, I did not loose them .
I’m really suffering at the moment. Our neighbours cat which we have looked after for them during holidays, since around 2012, had to be put to sleep yesterday.
The cat used to visit us every morning around 6 and stay for a couple of hours, after having a few treats. Then would often pop round early evenings.
He adored my wife and she him. He pined quite badly when she passed back in March and I think he died of a broken heart, although the vet said he did have some lumps in his body.
Sadly both gone now. 
Good to hear it gets better. MITZI are you back to work or dont work? I’m back to work but really struggling
Thanks for reaching out, it helps to know there are other people in the same situation. It’s so hard to deal with.
I know exactly how you feel hun it’s the worst being the one that finds them I also found my partner and it haunts me every day ever time I go up n down the stairs I feel sick I still cry every single day sometimes all day and it’s been 7 months for me I feel your pain nobody understand s the difference in losing a partner it’s a completely different love stay strong hun you need to be to keep his memory alive 
@Wekeepgoing
Hi. No I’m retired but I have started volunteering in local Sue Ryder shop but I think I jumped in a bit too soon after John passed thinking I was alright n trying to fill the void. I realise I can’t do that so I will text and have a few weekends off to gather some strength and then go back.
I do mornings which just now are the worst time for me…I suppose I could change to afternoons but I sometimes pick up grandchildren from school.
It’s just a dreadful time for us all bug hood we can message each other c
That’s a very lovely photograph John!
Sending my love xx
Thanks.
I wish I had them both back💔
My wife hated having her photo taken and that’s the closest she usually came to a smile when having one taken.
You look after yourself.
Thank you, you take care too xxx