Heartbreak at loss of partner

Today, after the death of my partner and best friend in June, I am bawling my eyes out. I am having brilliant councilling but made the mistake of looking back through some lovely e nails sent from my Jeff at the beginning of this year. Guilt and pain have returned and the many impossible to alter regrets have arrived with them. You never realised how big a part someone plays in your game of life until it is all too late. I’m heartbroken. Nothing can prepare you for the reality of it all.

Hi im very sorry for your loss ,i too did this briefly with letters from my Denise ,but it tortured me like it has done yourself .To be honest ive put them away and wont look at them ,im not telling you to do this im just being honest about me .Your heart mind and soul need a break from your nightmare ,because its unfortunately there when you return to your reality .Ihope i havent offended you i hope ive helped Colin(im 59 my darling Denise passed 04032016 on her 41 st birthday )

Thank you Colin. No, you haven’t offended me. It helps to know that it isn’t uncommon to feel so heartbroken reading things from a loved one who had passed on. Makes it feel less bitter if that’s the right word. I was feeling like the lovely words he wrote were opening a massive wound which won’t heal. I very much appreciate your kind words.

Hi I am so sorry for your loss…
I lost my partner of 16 years just over 2 years ago with a sudden heart attack, I didn’t get the chance to say goodbye, at the time it was the most traumatic time anyone could go through… I’m going to try and be positive for you at this time and not tell you all that I have been through in the last 2 years… yes it was hard but and upsetting, and I did sometimes think I will never be the same again…
I put a memory box together with all the lovely things I had of Grahams and had a photo book made of all the photos I had on the computer of wonderful holidays and things we did together. I still go and look when I feel I need to be close to him… I am now it a better place, with the help of counselling, good friends and family I am a happy person again… If someone says to me how are you, I was always honest, don’t say you fine when your screaming inside, say “today is not a good day” yes you will have bad days but in time as the counsellor said to me " think of grief as waves" at first there huge and come crashing down, but slowly they will get smaller, some days they will get bigger, but allow yourself this at times especially around personal dates etc…
Be kind to yourself… Take care of yourself, I hope this helps in a little way, but know your not alone…xx

Hello. J-zee
I’m glad you’re having counselling which is helping you get through the difficult time we’re facing through losing our loved ones.
I to felt guilty for not making Keith go to the Drs, even though I kept asking him to go. Last week I met with his Dr to go through his post-mortem and it turns out that the cancer would not have been detected even if he had a scan, so at least I don’t have to feel guilt over that anyway now. It’s only natural that those feelings will emerge from time to time, but try not to let them get you down too much.
You’re right that nothing can prepare you for the enormous loss losing the person you loved and lived with for several years brings. Take care, love and hugs xx

Thank you Michael. I have so many guilty feelings and his family just don’t seem to care. I am the only one who visits his grave and there are a lot of bad days. His e mails make me cry right now but your words are kind and I shall try and bear them in mind. Thank you x

Sorry, predictive text Mo. Didn’t mean to write Michael X

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