Heartbroken again

The past week has been very hard for me I lost my long time (30 years) partner Dave nearly 6 months ago omg where has that time gone. I have had my birthday and I won’t deny it the occasion brought me to my knees sobbing all I wanted was him to say happy birthday when I opened my eyes and the cuddle as he presents the surprise flowers. Instead I woke alone. My family tried to make the weekend better they really spoilt me but the pain was unbearable. Now a few days later I’m desolate and scared i realised I had developed an existence where Dave was not there I work everyday I make some dinner watch a bit of tv then bed and repeat. I don’t want a life without him I want to feel him around me I want to hear his voice but everyday he is slipping away from me this makes me so very sad my heart is breaking all over again.

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So sorry for your loss lorraine, Dave will never slip away from you, he will always be in your heart. The time you shared together will always be a part of your life, its so hard to get through this time, i think only someone that is widowed will truly understand.

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Thank you for understanding.

I hear and understand what you are saying. As time passes we have no choice but to continue our day as best we can but the guilt we feel when we realise we have carried out an every day, run of the mill task…… it’s almost as though it is saying well we must be forgetting or coping or getting over our bereavement.
It’s so far from the the truth but every day life forces our hand.
I am now looking for work. Is it to soon? Am I ready? Should I be doing this? On one hand I want to sit in the corner and cry, just cry but on the other hand there are bills that need to be paid and life is moving on all around me

Take care xx

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Thank you it is a painful reminder that the world is carrying on I am lucky in one sense my job has kept me going during the worst time of my life but not sure if it has prevented me from grieving property. Who knows everyone is different but it is nice to know so many of us are going through the same thoughts and feelings.

Hi Lorraine ,
I’m so sorry for your loss . I was bereaved just over three months ago when I lost my mum , we lived together and it’s difficult adjusting to this new life that I don’t want . The loneliness is terrible but I fight on every day . I helps to chat to others on here as we all understand how painful and difficult it is . Take care and stay strong .
Love Angie x

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Thank you for your words and yes it helps to chat on here.

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Hi Lorraine

So sorry to hear how you are feeling, it is a really hard time, I went back to work after 2 weeks or so, it was hard, but it did give me a break from becoming anxious and worrying for a couple of hours at a time. That has got easier, but I get what you mean though about the monotony of it, wake up, work, tea, tv, bed, repeat, along with listening to colleagues about their lives. It brings it home that I am alone. I often don’t have anything to contribute to conversations, that was never an issue before. I am now wondering whether I went back to work too early as I am so tired, it seems to be catching up with me. I really have to force myself to get out of bed although it doesn’t help that I have to push myself to go to bed in the first place. Do you feel the same? x

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Hi Dee

Sorry for your loss. Going back to work helped me, it gave me a break, and makes you realise life is moving on, and I suppose we have to learn how to live with the grief. Take your time and don’t overdo it, I have found it tiring. x

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