Heartbroken following unexpected death of my husband

My husband died on 13th Sept 2022. He was finally diagnosed 3 weeks earlier with Acute Leukaemia. Although he had been ill for a few months with aching limbs and shortness of breath also chest infections which they could not identify including pneumonia. He had several visits and short stays in hospital but he was always sent home with antibiotics and no answer. He finally had a bone marrow biopsy, by this time he had stopped going to gym and found even walking upstairs scary as he couldn’t breath and get his breath. On the day of his test I had to wheel him in a wheelchair to the hospital department. We were asked to wait for the results. Some 2 hours later we were called into a room to be told he had Leukaemia and would be admitted straight to hospital. This was to the Cancer Ward initially. They were still testing how serious the cancer was. The consultant allowed my husband home the following afternoon for a visit to enable him seeing his grandsons and son in the home environment. Little did we know that would be the last time he would come home. He deteriorated quickly and was moved to critical care. Within two days on a ventilator. My son did not have time to speak with him before this was done. Several days later he surprised everyone and the Consultant removed the ventilator and he was due to be moved to a less dependant room. Sadly the following day he died having suffered total organ failure. His close family attended but he was unconscious at this point and back on the ventilator. We had been married for 48 years and were still very much in love. My son who is 45, is married with two boys aged 14 and 15. He is absolutely devastated, and totally heartbroken. It is good to share this with others who also have a broken heart. I will share more and I feel that the support from this site and other members will be of great comfort.

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So sorry for your loss. Lost my wife within 2 months to a CNS Lymphoma on her brain. She was diagnosed in November 2022. She died in January 2023. No warning or illness prior to this. I am struggling worse now than the early days. Tomorrow (1st August) is our 48th anniversary. We have 2 kids aged 42 and 40 and 2 grand kids aged 4 and 1. Sandie will never see them grow up. She was 66 years old. Sending love your way :broken_heart:

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So sorry to hear the sad news that your husband passed away in September 2022, in heart breaking circumstances.
I lost my husband in January this year from cancer, which he had suffered with for quite a long time. The last few weeks of his life were horrendous and will live with me for as long as I live. Although it is seven months, the pain and misery I feel is still very hard to live with, I miss him so much. It’s a case of taking an hour / day at a time.
I have found a lot of support from people on this Bereavement Community, we are all suffering together. Keep reaching out.
Sending hugs x

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Yes it’s thinking of all the things he will miss and my son feels really sad at so much the boys will do and have done already that he will miss.

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Thank you it is nice to know I have lots of support but the pain is so hard and the emptiness is almost unbearable but I can’t believe it is not far off a whole year how we managed to reach this far I have no idea.

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Liz, I know, the hollow emptiness and pain are excruciating.
I have had a relatively better day until I went into the kitchen to prepare my meal. Suddenly, I could imagine Richard there as he used to often help me, I have completely gone to pieces and sat on the sofa sobbing. It’s horrible how we are hit with terrible grief.
Best wishes Rosemary x

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Do you all still have a knot in your stomach. That’s how I am even though I try to keep busy . It’s the pain of my loss and I don’t think it will ever go away because he was my soulmate . I wanted at least 50
Years with him not just 30 . It’s all I ever wished for when I blew out my birthday candles each year . Life is so cruel

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Yes, at times I do still get knots in my stomach. I try to keep as busy as possible and go out but the pain of not having him with me is torture quite often.
The last few months of his life were heartbreaking and I am having difficulty trying to stop focussing on that time. I am having help from my counsellor.

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Thanks for your reply . I am glad the counselling is helping my love . I am getting some next week .

I really hope counselling helps you.
i have another session tomorrow. I had some ‘homework’ , a paper with two columns: positives and negatives. It was quite distressing completing it but, hopefully, it will have some benefit. My counsellor is going to help me write a letter to my husband based on my completed paper. I will try anything to improve my thoughts.

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What you went through is harrowing and you are very brave to share all this . I can’t I shut it out because it’s unbearable to remember , but of course it is there all the time .
You will have so many things to work through as do I . Memories , regrets , perhaps anger so many things . It’s unbearable . I hope you find strength through this site . It helps to write things .

I did something very similar the other day and I phoned my brother sobbing luckily he was really supportive I try to call someone family or close friend and they talk with me and listen it does help

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It’s always a good idea to try and talk to someone when going through an emotional time. My neighbour is great at listening and always seems to know what to say.

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When I am with my grandchildren now since my husband passed in may, I don’t enjoy as much as I feel guilty that he is not there with me he adored them all.

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I feel so guilty ringing people I feel they have there own lives and I am upsetting them.

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Oh I so feel for you jol . I wanted more time to and so did my dear beloved partner we just wanted more time together . Life is so totally cruel . I feel there is nothing to live for now and there never will be . I hope there’s something you find comfort in . Nothing in this world means anything any more without my beloved partner . I really struggle to get out of bed each day . This site is good in that you feel you’re not alone .

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Hi l lost my husband on the 28th of May he had Vascular dementia it is the worst thing l have had to deal with. I looked after him in the lockdown, towards the end of lockdown I had a breakdown so my husband went into a hometown give me a break but the Dementia progress was so fast l was told he would never come home again. He went into another home and from their to hospital where it was his body was covered in bruises and he had six broken ribs and when he was able he went to another home which l must say was lovely they took great care of him about 2weeks he took a turn for the worst and went back to hospital and there he sadly passed away. I wasn’t with him and l feel so sorry and heartbroken that I want to die so I can be with him and that is all I think about is dying.

Many thanks
Jo

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Hi @19462 ,

I’m so sorry to hear about your husband. It sounds as though things are very tough and you are feeling really heartbroken.

It sounds like you’re looking for support and I’m glad that you’ve been able to talk about how you’re feeling here. We know that a lot of people experience suicidal thoughts when they are grieving. We have a video about it here which you might find helpful:

https://griefguide.sueryder.org/support/suicide

There is lots of other support out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.

  • If these thoughts of suicide become overwhelming, please call 999 or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.
  • Samaritans are available 24/7 to talk about anything that you are worried about in confidence. You can call them on 116 123.
  • Shout are contactable by text, 24/7. You can text REMEDY to 85258 and talk to them about anything.
  • You can also find your local NHS urgent mental health helpline .
    Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: Online Bereavement Counselling Service | Sue Ryder.

You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.

You deserve care and support so please, Jo, get in touch with one of these services.

Take care,

Alex

@19462 @SCk thanks for your wishes and the same to you
Also 19462 I am so sorry for your loss . I have experienced vascular dementia with my father in law and this is so difficult
for you . Please don’t do anything to yourself . It is a
common feeling you have at first . Your husband wouldn’t want you to give up . Take each hour as it comes and reach out to the people the Sue Ryder staff have shown you . My thought are with you both

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My beautiful wife passed 18 July 23 after 3.5 years fighting cancer. Im lucky i managed to look after her at home and she passed in my arms just the two of us. I miss her so very very much. We promised to meet up again in heaven when she comes for me and i asked her to make iy soon. I feel that all i want is to be with her, i have told my family and they worry that i would try to end my life to be with her but thats not the thing to do, God gave us a life to lead and harming our own body will prevent us from meeting up again… so i have to wait, its very very very hard

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