Heartbroken -Loss of my Son

I lost my son 5 weeks ago in a tragic road accident he was 20yrs with all his life ahead of him I am so lost without him the pain is unbearable!

Hi Elaine,

I’m part of the community team here and I’m so sorry for the loss of your son. What is your support network like? Do you have close friends and family you can lean on for support during this awful time?

You’re not alone here, I’m glad you have joined this community.


I have 3 other children but they are so lost in the void we have been left with and are trying so hard to cope - my son bought a motorbike and did not tell me until the moment he left home and said don’t worry mum see you later and never returned - i let him down - protected him all his life until that moment WHY ?

Dear Elaine
I am so sorry to read of your loss. Grief is so difficult to get your head around. Trying to understand why and what’s life all about. I hope you and your family and friends can all be a support for one another. Your love for one another will help you to get through each day. Sometimes there are no answers but please remember the love you gave your son and the love you received in return will last forever.

Hi Elaine,

I’m really sorry that you have these feelings of regret, these must be very difficult for you. Unfortunately, guilt is a normal and powerful response to grief. The belief that we’ve somehow failed in our duties and done something wrong is common, and the best we can do is really examine what we think we did, even though it’s very hard.

Applying that level of control to every action of our child throughout their adult life would be impossible. Right now, you need close friends and support more than ever, including from yourself. Treat yourself kindly - what would you say to your best friend if this had happened to them?

Thinking of you.


Kate - Thank you for your kind words I go to his grave everyday and say how much I am sorry I could not stop him from going on the bike , I look at his picture and see him smiling at me and him saying don’t be silly mum , but my stomach feels sick and my eyes fill and hot tears run down my face , I just don’t know how I will get through the days ahead I have to be brave for my family but it is so difficult , there are so many questions milling around in my head, I know that the Lord is with me …Thank you for listening!

Dear Racs, Thank you for your comforting words I am just so full of sadness and I am making everyone else sad around me when they are trying so hard to move forward.

Hi Elaine,

It’s totally understandable that you are finding it very tough to be brave in these circumstances. We’re here for you, you don’t have to put on a brave face here.

Do you find going to his grave comforting? Take things one day at a time and try not to think too far into the future right now.

Take care,


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