Heartbroken, struggling to cope...dad is dying

Hello, my father has been suffering with advanced prostate cancer for over a year now. He has mets to his spine, pelvis and legs…probably manly lots more too. Treatment hasn’t worked and his last treatment gave terrible side effects and he’s off that now, we’ll see. Over the last three months he’s deteriorated, spends all day lying down (as this is only way he’s comfirtable) list huge amounts of weight and is to tired. His appetite has gone over the last month and he’s hardly eating anything. His steroids has been increased as he was only on a really low dose. He’s at home but wants to go in hospice if he gets worse. My mums says she can’t cope with end of life care at home. Dad feels s burden but he’s not, I’m exhausted, crying all the time, trying to juggle things. I take dad to appointments, ring nurses and deal with all that stuff. Dad was in hospital earlier this week for dehydration as he’s been vomiting. We thought that was it however palliative nurse said “you’re not dying” (I don’t know how she knew that. Hospice nurse is involved. I’m just living on a knife edge, scared to see him as I don’t know what he’s going to be like, scared the phones going to ring, so sad seeing him deteriorate and suffer. I don’t know how people cope but I know they do. Thank you for listening xx love to you all struggling right now

Hello Flossie,

I am so sorry to read about your Dad and wanted to say firstly that you are being so brave. It is a horrible thing to see your parents so ill and be doing so much for them. A strange feeling also as the roles are reversed from when you were a child and they did everything for you.

You say your Dad would like to go to a hospice as he gets more ill rather than stay at home. Hospice care is great I have heard, others on here have experience of it so can advise more. Hospices always seem such calm places to me so a good place to be.

My Mum passed away 18 months ago and wanted to stay at home so we had palliative care right through with the local hospice at the end of a phone day and night if needed. I honestly do not know how we coped but we did. I think you almost are on autopilot and just do whatever is needed.

Crying is good as it helps to relieve the stress for you so don’t worry about that one bit. We didn’t cry in front of Mum as didn’t want to upset her, maybe we should have done as she didn’t cry either yet must have been very frightened.

Flossie, you take good care of yourself and keep coming back to this site if you need help. there is always someone around who will try and help you.

Mel.

Hi Flossie

Just wanted to reach out and give you a virtual hug. I lost my dad in May to prostate cancer the 6 weeks later my mum was diagnosed with terminal cancer. I cared for her at home for 10 months and was so exhausted. She recently went into a nursing home and I am able to take a step back which is a huge relief.

The only positive I can give through such a cruel disease of cancer is that you do get the opportunity to say everything now. Tell your dad how much you love him etc because I know you will get great comfort from that in the future.

You will get through it all. Just take one day at a time.

Ann x

Back to top