My Dad died about 20 years ago and I don’t think I’ve ever come to terms with it properly then my mum died suddenly 4 months ago a few days after the anniversary of my dad’s death. My heart feels broken at times it physically hurts and every day I feel like I’m holding my breath. My children and husband are autistic. Although they understand they don’t fully if that makes sense. The children expect to have gotten over it by now. Mum husband wasn’t close to my mum so isn’t great with offering comfort. So I’m constantly pushing it all down and getting on with what needs doing. I have older step siblings but we’ve never been really close. They all have family and friends supporting them . I have yet to receive a message or phone call from all those that promised at the beginning. I’ve had my mental health support put on hold until I access grief counselling but I don’t feel ready to talk to anyone out loud just yet.
Hi @Isthismylife,
I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your dad, and the more recent loss of your mum. It’s completely understandable to feel heartbroken after everything you’ve been through. No matter how long it’s been, grief can still be tough to come to terms with years and decades later.
It’s also okay not to feel ready to talk to anyone out loud just yet - you’re welcome to post here in the meantime for support and understanding.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support to you. In the meantime, you might find these Sue Ryder resources helpful to read.
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Our Losing a parent page talks through some of the emotions you may be experiencing
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Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
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Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through
I hope you find the community to be a support to you. Take good care and keep posting if it helps 
Take good care,
Harriet