Dear Jobar
Sorry to hear of the loss of your husband - nothing prepares us for this moment.
I too do not recognise the person staring back at me from the mirror. One of Ian’s colleagues made a comment that he died doing what he loved - I spent most of the evening crying and screaming. I would not wish this on anyone and if that was their genuine thoughts then (a) they should have kept it to themselves and (b) come and see what it does to those of use who are left behind. I have spent two hours on the phone with my daughter this afternoon trying to console her while trying to keep it together myself.
I am going to try and follow your advice on the food issue. I have experienced everything that you describe. Again those friends trying to be helpful give advice but have no idea what it really feels like.
I agree with your comments regarding the syllabus for medical students - it should also be extended to trainee police. I have so many regrets on the day Ian died - the most pressing being that our son had to do the ID. If I had my time again (not least turning back the clock and that it did not happen) I would have dug my heels in and went for the other option of DNA to spare my son the heartbreak he went through. But the reality is we were all in shock.
The circle of friends has also shrunk - I wonder if those who make inappropriate comments or suggestions ever reflect on what they have said. Some may whilst others will think that I am beyond hope because I disagree with their words of wisdom. I think Ian, if he is looking down, will be disappointed at a small number of friends and family.
I will continue to just take one day at a time.
Take care X
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hi christine thankyou so much for your message being together for 45 yrs is such a life time of so many memories you won t get get over this in a few months like you said it can be 25 yrs and you will still not get over it it still hurts me now 8 months on .i decided last week that i was going to have some of dave s ashes scattered and have some over his rose tree in my garden and have the rest put into a glass pyramid im having made in red it was the right thing for me to do and i instantly found some piece like i felt that it was what dave wanted . i am completely on my own and not in a bubble and its so lonely for me i do have friends that ring me but not having face to face contact it doesn t feel the same .i do cook but sometimes i do it for my 2 dogs so it doesn t go to waste but i take every day one day at a time thats all we can do hun till this horrible thing is over but don t think it will be anytime soon . okay christine im signing off but plz take care of your self and stay safe hun xx
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Hi mazzers
Thanks for your reply.
I’m glad you’ve decided what to do with your husbands ashes It sounds a lovely idea I’ve never heard of a pyramid before
My husband always wanted to be with his mam and dad whose ashes were scattered in the Lake District where they had lots of holidays He’d been unwell for several years before he died so we’d talked about it At the moment I have them at home because we can’t do it the way we want with all the family who want to be there One day it’ll happen I’ve had some of his ashes put into two small urns and have them next to his photos I’m keeping them so I’ll always have some of him with me It is lonely not being able to meet up with anyone as you say we’ll just have to take one day at a time
Take care of yourself
Christine x