Try to remember the good times, acohol is a controlling master. Try not to replay unhelpful thoughts, try to imagine a vacuum cleaner vacuuming the thought away, so it doesn’t replay all the time.
You sound like you put others before yourself, be kind to yourself. It will get easier to manage. You have had so much loss, bless you.
When l lost Laura, l went to a medium, had counselling, turned to the church as Laura was a catholic and she had taken to reading the Bible just months before she died.
Her dad and l are divorced and he lives in the Philippines and did not offer to help with the funeral and memorial costs. I am not going to get bitter because l will suffer so l am trying to help others and be kind. Jackie.x
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@Peanutbrain I’m so sorry for the loss of your daughter how unbearable for you…did the council ling help at all I myself am catholic but not a church goer but say my prayers each night…and I always pray for the broken hearted and bereaved as well as the souls of those lost it brings me comfort xx His sister called today and said if I want to go in the funeral car with them I can she said it’s my choice as I am family then stated she wants to come next week for her brothers things…just like she said last week when I asked can it wait till after funeral his funeral isn’t for another week…I’ve caved in as I do not have the strength anymore as predicted she only wants some clothes but does want his expensive consol (which I surprised him with 2 Xmas ago and also his very expensive bike I don’t care about the material things I’m just not ready but I shall pack everything get the bike from loft and hand over his console as if I don’t conform I fear I will not get some of his ashes I was still not even asked how I was doing …but there again how can I expect anything from them when they are ready to get rid of his things so soon…I know that this coldness has done something to me like it’s kinda interrupting my grief taking up space in my head space that was filled with my partner…she said you wanted his stuff gone 3 monthß ago when u separated I said yes when he was alive and we were going through ruff patch but it didn’t happen did it as he was getting help so that we could try again I spoke to him most days and would say anything good and bad to him so that he would get sober which he was trying detox was arranged the week he passed I’m so pissed at her but have to hold my tongue xx
Dear Yvonne,
Why do they want his clothes? How strange, perhaps to dress him for his funeral.
You are really going through it. You expect that when you lose the one you love people would be kind.
I understand what it like watching the one you love killing themselves. Perhaps there were issues in his family that do not help him. Perhaps there is guilt from them as you do so much for him.
You are only human and things got too much for you. Was he a drinker before you met him?
Please try to be kind to yourself. The period between the person dying and burial/cremation is so painful. You are in limbo.
You cant go back or forward until it takes place.
You become a different person when you lose a loved one. I have become a much spiritual person.
The counselling did not help but going to a medium did.
Take care. Jackie.x
@Peanutbrain no they have a new track suit for him they just want some clothes to keep apparently which I understand.when he was at his mum’s he cudnt really take much she has small home at one stage I told him he needed to take his stuff (,was again hoping he would no how serious I was that unless he quit drinking he cudnt come home) but he didn’t take anything his toothbrush still here everything because we both wanted the same thing if we had totally ended I would have insisted he took his stuff I mean who’s ex keeps everything at there house just for the fun of it, don’t get me wrong it would take me forever to get rid of his things if ever I still have some of my mam’s and sisters things…I’m just devastated she wants to do all this before funeral I just don’t understand it…Jackie if she had just said can you sort me a few items of clothing and a few keep sakes I would have agreed but still asked for a little bit of time to come to terms with it but it hasn’t been done like that…I know people grieve different but really it’s not like they even know what clothes were his favourite,I dunno maybe it’s just me but I feel it’s disrespectful to her brother and me…but after everything is done and funeral over hopefully they will allow me some of his ashes and I doubt il ever hear from them again x
@Peanutbrain no matter what she wants things before the funeral and I wanted to wait till I was ready obviously it doesn’t matter about what I want or about my feelings .she said I’m not dismissing what you had but in my eyes she most definitely is and yes seeing as she fell out with him at Xmas I definitely think guilt/ regret.i don’t think she’s aware my partner and his mother told me they fell out so she hadn’t spoke to him since Xmas think he’d only been there 3 weeks when she fell out with him so she probably unaware me and him spoke practical every day xx
So was my partners cremation on the 1st march as I had predicted I got a fleeting mention in the eulogy as in he met his girlfriend and they had many holidays.Not his partner of 15 years his gf.that was it the rest was about him and sister even his mother memories were actually mine something we did every sat listening to certain people music and dancing round living room the only time she heard his music was when she came to visit.thet wouldn’t even take the little cards you write on for flowers as keepsake as the pallbearer asked them (they were the ones I had wrote) I didn’t go to wake as I know alcohol and grief don’t mix she had sunk half bottle of brandy before funeral she wasn’t happy when I said I wasn’t going on the other hand his father said he didn’t blame me and if he had choice he wouldn’t go either x
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@Yvonne1234
A great big hug from me to you xxx
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Such an impossibly hard day for you @Yvonne1234 .I’m so sorry. You sound to have been very dignified though so well done.
Hugs
Karen xxx
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Hello Yvonne,
Sorry to hear the service went as you throught. At least it is over now.
Jackie.x
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Hello,
I am currently sitting crying as it is the 2nd year of the death of my beautful daughter. I had been doing really well, but had a fall and fractured my knee and have not been able to get out .
My partner and l are not getting on well at all. I am considering moving out and making a new life for myself. I have been supporting him with his dad who is 102 this year and is now in a care home with dementia. I gave up work and looked after him for 8 years and love him dearly.
I am drinking about 3 glasses of wine every night which is causing problems between us. My parner does not drink and is giving up smoking which is making him very grumpy. After disagreements he says that he will tell me to move out if l don’t stop drinking. It is his dad’s house.
My life at present is not worth living and l am partly to blame. The joy in my life has gone. I miss laura so much.
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