Heartbroken

Losing a child
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My son of 35 passed away on 17 March, 2023. I did CPR until ambulances, police and my partner arrived. Heartbroken beyond words, waiting for an inquest, I’ve already been told it was a drugs overdose, this makes it worse, he was my world, my best friend, i feel so lost and everything I have worked hard for gone. He was so kind, caring, funny and loving, but unfortunately had an addiction . I was always there for him.

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Hello @MJG ,

I can see that you’re new to the community. I hope you find it to be a support to you, but I am so sorry for the loss of your son that brings you here.

You say you are feeling totally heartbroken. I wanted to share some sources of support that might help you right now.

Sue Ryder also has some resources which can help you cope with grief.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Take care,

Alex

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I’m so sorry to hear what’s happened to you and your son. My daughter died in v similiar circumstances on January 22. There’s no words to express how you must be feeling. It’s shock, trauma, grief, overwhelm, fear and more. You have come to a good place on this website and you will get support from other mums and dads going through this nightmare. It’s very early days for you and it must be hard to get through each day and night. Just keep on keeping on, take all the help you can get. It definitely helps to talk to people on here who ‘get it’ cos it’s happened to them. You can say anything you like on here and sharing it does help a bit. Take it day by day. I have found Compassionate Friends really supportive too and they also ‘get it’ and scooped me up when I was on my knees. Sending you all the best xxxxx

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Thank you. Some days I just can’t focus or motivate myself. I always make sure I get out for a lovely coastal walk. I have decided after a bit of research that I am going to write myself a journal every day, even if it’s only a few words to see if this helps, and set myself a goal each week. I have only been out twice in my own to meet my friends. The anxiety is usually immense. I seem to of lost all of my confidence. I couldn’t drive for about 8 weeks, but still get days when I can’t drive. The phone calls from the police about stuff sets me off. I am so sorry for your loss. I know what you are going through. At least I know where my son is, no more anxiety about is he okay, safe, what is he doing. He was doing so well, good job, his own flat, just had a pay rise. The day I found him his work clothes were neatly on the sofa for work. I know his death was an accident, but somewhere in my heart no matter how hard I tried I knew the day would come. At least he isn’t fighting the demon alcohol and drugs. What some people don’t get it’s an illness and addiction.
Stay strong….we can do it xx

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I have just joined compassion friends today, awaiting for confirmation of my account. Made a step forward today and went out for a short bike ride. Progress I guess but then when I’m not doing much my mind is everywhere. I hope you are doing as well as you can x

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Compassionate Friends are really good and I hope they help, even just a little bit. I know what you mean about your mind being everywhere, that on its own is both mentally and physically exhausting. I’m taking anti depressants and they do help, especially with sleeping. They aren’t for everyone but for me they have calmed me and though they aren’t a miracle they can be really helpful. Through Compassinate Friends I’ve met other mums and dads and there is an instant bond from others in the same situation. I went on a retreat with them and it was a real relief to be able to talk about my girl and share my feelings. Compassionate Friends really scooped me up and they really made a difference. Nothing will ever make things feel right but it helped seeing people who were further along on the grief journey and they were living a life, despite all that’s happened. It gave me hope that I too, over time can live some sort of meaningful life. Not the life I had before but still worth living. I send you my very very best wishes. Please keep coming on here. Sometimes I just read other peoples posts and even just that reminds me that I’m not alone in my grief and there are others learning that they can learn to live with it. Sending love xxxx

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Thank you. I have joined compassionate friends yesterday but haven’t plucked up the courage yet to put a message on. I looked at the site and found it but daunting, but I will try later on today or tomorrow. It’s so difficult and I really feel for you. My head is all over the place again today, stay strong…easier said than done x

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I was the same as you, also I didn’t find their online chat thing as easy to use as this one. After a lot of indecision I finally phoned them. They were kind and after about a month they found me a Grief Companion, who is now a friend. Her son died in much the same circumstances in 2017 so an instant understanding. If you don’t feel ready to phone that’s ok. Wait till you have a good moment. I know it sounds corny but don’t beat yourself up for struggling. Everyone who loved their child is struggling too. Do what you feel like doing. Grieving and trauma take a lot out of you. You dont have to be outgoing or busy or coping or anything else till you are ready. Biggest thing and hardest to do is to take care of yourself. You deserve it xxxxx

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Forgot to say, you can always email them and they will get back by email. That’s probly the easiest way.

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Thank you so much for that so appreciated. I sometimes try and push myself to far. Just saw one of my friends, I was fine when I saw her Sunday, today complete meltdown. I have also found I have no patience or tolerance for petty things anymore. Nothing seems to matter apart from the pin I feel, but I will get there somehow. My Dad brought me up to be a strong person, and try and keep those thoughts with me. Thank you again and hopefully I will today, tomorrow put a message on compassionate friends x

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I am so sorry to hear about your son and that you have have been through such a terrible trauma. You are being so brave in reaching out and I am glad that you have found this site.
I lost my daughter 5 years ago and this site has been a lifeline for me. Everyone is in a similar heartbreaking place and we truly lift each other up.
Remember it is baby steps that we need to take. In the early months after I lost Gemma, I could not function at all but things do get easier. Somehow I managed to feel calmer and more peaceful which helped me.
Sending you a huge hug xxx

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Thank you. It’s 19 weeks today, I keep counting the weeks which I don’t think is helpful🤷‍♀️. I’m in pieces sat crying again, the pain is horrendous again, but I’m going to go out for a walk soon with one of my friends which may help. Thank you for your kindness and I’m so sorry for your loss❤️ xx

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I do actually feel less anxious since my loss as the stress I was under for 14 years of never knowing is he ok, where is he with his addiction was a nightmare, no one knew the stress or worry. I try and think at least he is at peace and resting. He was so kind, caring and loving and my rock xx

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I do understand how you feel. My daughter took her own life after years of anxiety and I also feel that she is now at peace. I still find myself in tears and feel as though I now live my life with an undercurrent of sadness, but family and friends help so much. I am glad you have a good friend to walk with you xxx

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Thank you, today is just a really bad day as it’s Friday. I know my son had an addiction and did everything I could and he could do it as well. I also know it was accidental as his work clothes for the next day and smoothie were already for work. The questions that buzz in my head are awful. I keep telling the police they need to get into his phone but they don’t seem to listen. I am so sorry your daughter took her own life, all I think is that they are at peace and not fighting there daily battles which they had xx

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