Hello my name is Helen and I am new to this forum. I am in my 50’s, married with 2 boys and work for a mental health charity. I live in the south coast of England. Hate flying, love crochet and eating cake.
Thank you for letting me join this forum. I really appreciate a place to share my experience of bereavement. I have a lovely family and small group of friends who I can talk to but I am aware that they too are grieving and I don’t want to overburden them with my mixed up, sad head space too much!
So a little background into how I found myself looking for support.
On the September the 17th, My lovely Mum died, quite unexpectedly from heart failure. My Mum had lived with us for 15 years and was a huge part of our family and a third ‘parent’ to our two boys. She went really quickly over the course of 24 hours. My brothers and I were able to spend time with her despite Covid regulations within the hospital and I feel honoured that we could be with her. I found the lead up to Mum’s passing very traumatic. I hope this is not oversharing but she was scared and kept asking me to help her. I felt and still feel, useless and inadequate. I am really struggling with this part of her death. I miss my Mum and I miss her physical presence in the home.
My Father died on December3rd, 2 days after being informed via email that he had terminal lung cancer. My Father left the family home when I was 8 years old (45 years ago). We had a fairly estranged relationship. He would dip in out of my brothers and my life as he choose. The grief I feel at my Fathers death is more about what our relationship should have been but it has also magnified the grief I am feeling at the loss of my Mum.
My ‘normal’, responsible, grown up head is all over the place at the moment and frankly if I cry much more then the south coast will be on red flood alert!
I have counselling arranged, I am trying to be kind to myself and have been to speak to my GP. I am doing everything I should be doing but I feel the most important action I can take is to reach out to others who have a similar ‘lived experience’.
I am overwhelmed and surprised by the complexity and strength of my emotions at the moment and so I am hoping that by reading of others experiences, it may offer me some better insight into my own grief and hopefully any kindly offered advice and or support will help me traverse this difficult time.
Thank you for reading, kindest regards Helen
Bless you Helen sounds like you are going though hell at the moment. Keep posting on here as it does help talking to others that understand what you are going through. I lost my husband in August and I have to say that reading these posts keep me sane. Knowing we are not alone helps. It can’t bring our loved ones back I know that but it’s like a family on here. That’s how I feel anyway all the best xxx
Hello and thank you Misprint for your kind welcome amd supportive words especially in light of the fact you have so recently lost your husband. My thoughts and kindest wishes go out to you. Xxx
Oh Helen, to lose your parents so close together must be dreadful for you. And to have such conflicting emotions regarding both parents must be even harder.
The loss of a dear mother is heartbreaking, I totally understand your feelings surrounding her death. I’m sure your eventual counselling will address that.
I honestly think we are all surprised by the complexity & strength of our emotions. Quite simply, grief knocks you sideways and only time will hopefully, eventually, lessen the pain ever so slightly.
Helen you must be in real hell as your mum lived with you put photos up when your ready so you feel that her presence is still there and really try hard to remember her smiles put happy ones up so it’s not all sad and let the tears flow the happier times will come
I actually wrote a poem about grief cos my mother in law died of covid last year and I havent got any photos only the memories in my head I still trying to process it if you look on my profile your ll the poem try writing as well it does get easier as each day gets goes by