Hello, my name is Joe.

Losing a partner
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Hello everyone. My previous ‘introduction’ post got hijacked, and I ended up feeling completely overwhelmed, trying to figure out who had replied to me, amongst the several other conversations going on there. As such, I sincerely apologise to anyone who I didn’t reply to, the first time around! :people_hugging:

Anyway, my name is Joe, I’m in my mid-40s. I’m non-binary. I like photography, nature, adventures, playing bass guitar and piano, and spending quality time with good people. My favourite movie is The Third Man, and my favourite album is Thrak, by King Crimson.

I lost my amazing Wife, Ali, in February of this year. I miss her so much, and the grief I feel is still beyond measure.

I don’t have much of a local support network, with Ali’s mum being the only person I see regularly. My only local friend has gone away for the summer.

Having attended a bereavement support event at my local hospice last week, I realised how much easier it is to talk to other people with experience of grief, and I got the impression that it was mutual.

Things I do that help me get through each day: I like to get outside and see nature as much as possible. I also recently started painting watercolours when I’m outside, which I’ve been enjoying. I love seeing people and talking to them, about Ali and just anything! I’ve also been planning to go travelling in my campervan. I regularly write messages to Ali, and I talk to her every day (especially to photos of her). I also like to write down my little memories of our time together, as they come to me. I worry that those memories are fragile.

Unfortunately, I recently broke my ankle, which has seriously curtailed my ability to do many of the things that were bringing me some relief. I can’t even drive myself out to places.

Enough about me.

I am truly, from-the-heart, sorry for all of your losses! It’s horrible that we have to be here, with this shared pain. But I’m glad we have somewhere to go. Love and peace to you all.

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Hello Joe, not the nicest place to meet, but here we are, my name is Lucy, and I had responded to your message the first time, but no worries, some people just read the posts. I lost my husband in March of this year, and its been truly the most heartbreaking thing I’ve had to go through in my life, letting go of my precious husband of 35 years. …im glad you’re able to do something you like, like painting, i haven’t been able to do what I love yet, i paint as well but its mostly crafts I do. Maybe someday. Take care and keep posting, God bless you :folded_hands:

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Hi. My husband of 52 years died in February this year at the age of 77 and we all are having the same heartbreaking experience. Up and down day by day. My husband Barry was a watercolourist and art was his passion in later years. It’s a good hobby. I have a few widowed friends and they all say life changes but we have to finish our journey here. It’s hard so it’s no good pretending it isn’t. Go out, join classes, mingle with others. Buy a newspaper, take a book and go for a coffee. Cry when you feel like it. There are a lot of lonely people out there who like to talk. We are not alone. We’ll get through hook or by crook. x

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Hello Sulli, so sorry to hear about your husband passing, you were blessed with many years of marriage. I wish I could have had many more years, but God wanted him more I suppose :confused:. Its good that you have friends who are also widows, it helps talking to someone who understands and is willing to listen. The other day I did go out for coffee with a lady who is also a widow, don’t know her that well, but she invited me so I went and we talked for quite awhile. I hope you continue to post on this site. Look forward to hear from you. Take care and God bless you :folded_hands:

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Hi Joe, welcome again. I won’t repeat my earlier post that you read but I do hope your ankle heals soon and you will be able to get back to walking. It’s something that really has helped me along with other forms of exercise to alleviate the pain and suffering of losing my wife.
Wishing you all the best
Tom

:hugs::hugs:

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Unfortunately its never enough time but I can understand how you feel as you are much younger. My heart goes out to you. Choice is taken away from us but possibly time is on your side? Try not to despair. Im sure you’ve got a lot to offer others. Everything that happens in life makes us wiser and hopefully nicer people. Someone said to me that time doesn’t necessarily heal but it gets softer. He was part of my tai chi group and he died this year also. But although he’d been very ill for quite a few years and knew he was terminal, he wrung every bit of joy out of life. He was a wonderful lesson on how to live. Also my best friend. She lost her husband at 52 and her son at 36 but she is another lesson in how to live and enjoy life. She’s in her 80s and still going strong!

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Dear Sullie, you sound like a very wise person, just reading your posts puts my mind at ease, .you sound like a person who has self control with their emotions …I don’t know i get that vibe from you. As for me, I have my faith in Jesus, who keeps me strong, but ill admit I do break down quite easily..being with the love of my life for almost 38 years, married for 35, is not easy to get over and move on…just taking it day by day, I don’t make plans anymore. God bless

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I can assure you I’m not that wise! Just a bit longer in the tooth. You must take it in your own time and do it your own way. Not what you think is expected of you. There are no rules. Things will pan out for you. They have to as we’re walking our planned paths. Your dear husband will walk it with you and be cheering you on. And remember. Its au revoir not adieu. Your faith will get you through and be a great comfort. But don’t beat yourself up and if you feel down, ride with it until it passes. I’m no better than anyone else dealing with this horrible experience. I’vewailed and shaken my fist. Been angry at my husband going and leaving me behind, but generally someone goes first. Perhaps to lead the way and life is very short. Don’t waste the precious time you have left. A meditation class might help you. And, tai chi with a good teacher is very good for you.

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Thank you Sullie, see , you are wise, your words say it so. I’ve been wanting to try tai chi, but classes are always too full​:pensive_face: . I’ll keep trying. Take care and Godbless you :folded_hands:

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I split up from my partner of 6 years 7 weeks ago and 2 weeks ago I was told he had gone to bed and not woken up. Im absolutely devastated as I feel if I had stayed would he still be here. He was a gorgeous man with so many friends and a good family. I just cant come to terms why this is happening. The break up was so hard itself but him being taken from us is so cruel. I miss him every day. Go to bed seeing his face and wake up seeing it. I feel so much to blame.

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Hi Karen I am sorry you are feeling so upset. I very much doubt your break up had anything to do with the death of your ex. Even if he was more stressed etc it would only have affected when this happened rather stopped it happening. But you say he was lovely but not why you broke up. I hope you find some solace here where everyone understands the pain of losing the person they love

All the best Tom :hugs: :hugs:

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Thank you Tom. We broke up as I had a zest for life and doing things and he just didn’t want to do anything anymore. I now think maybe he was unwell and thats why he no longer wanted to do things which breaks my heart

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Hello Karen, so sorry for your loss, losing a partner, even though you were separated, im sure its still very painful, ..its normal to feel to some degree a bit guilty, we always feel we could have done more, but in the end there’s nothing we could have done for them., I lost my husband in March, and ill miss him for the rest of my life. I hope posting here helps you. Take care and God bless you :folded_hands: