hello all,
i’m new to this site. i lost my auntie recently who i loved very dearly. its been 3 months now but still doesn’t feel real. it seems to be getting harder the more time goes on. I’ve really been struggling the past few days, just feeling so down and angry about it.
Hi cara125,
I only joined yesterday. I’ve been lurking around forums for a few weeks now not quite sure whether to join in or not. I’ve not really thought I was able to express myself to others until now. I lost my mum suddenly 2 months ago. That was the end of my happy pre-existing life and now I’m faced with trying to forge a new reality that I never wanted to do.
I feel I have some appreciation for what you are going through right now. I’m not going to tell you how you feel as that is no doubt pretty bad. I’ve found some lovely people in these groups and we are all sharing something in common, grief.
Have you got family and/or friends to talk to about your innermost thoughts? What is it that is making you feel angry? Your feelings you describe are totally normal and just the sort of things I’ve felt, it’s a very confusing time. 3 months isn’t very long, I can’t imagine I’ll feel any better in another months time.
Anyway, i just wanted to say hello back and to let you know that your pain is shared here by me and no doubt others.
Shaun x
Hi Shaun73
Thank you for your reply. I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. I’m having similar feelings, I just can’t imagine a life without my auntie in it. although I knew she was very ill, i still don’t think i really entertained the possibility that she might go away.
I’m glad you have found nice people to talk to in these groups. I’m hoping it will help me to cope a bit better talking to others. i do have people to talk to at home, thankfully. although i am sometimes lost for words and all i want is a hug but the person i really want a hug from can’t give me one. i just feel angry because she’s not here and she was only 64, she shouldn’t have gone so soon. she’s supposed to be here to see me graduate, watch her grandchildren grow up. there is so much she should be here for.
Thank you for your response
Cara x
Hi Cara,
Yes you will find your feelings are similar to a lot of other people here. I knew my mum wouldn’t be around forever and yet I was comfortable in the feeling that she was going to be and almost took it for granted that’s the way life would carry on. How foolish.
I’m glad you have people at home to talk to, that helps enormously. I found it a great just to talk through things even if you think it is all nonsense. A good listener is worth a huge amount.
I understand what you say about a hug. It’s lovely to get a hug and it’s ok to be lost for words. I have difficulty in putting into words my own feelings sometimes as they just don’t make enough sense to me let alone anyone else. Of course the only person who can fix you back to your normal self is the very person who has left. I’d dearly love a hug from my mum now and to find out it was all a bad dream.
64 is young and life can be cruel and uncaring. I’m very sorry to hear you are suffering with this new reality. I hope in time you will be able to look back with fond memories and how she has helped make you the person you are today. What you do now, you can do for her. That’s what I’m trying to do for my mum. She would want you to be happy that’s for sure.
Shaun x
Shaun73
I know what you mean. Obviously no one is going to live forever but we just don’t think the ones we love will ever not be there. As with my auntie, she’s been there my entire life and you just never think of it being any other way.
Indeed you are right, we must do our best to make them proud and look back and remember the happy times. There certainly were plenty! What fun we had together.
I hope you too are able to talk through your feelings with people at home and remember the good times you had with your mum. I think we just have to take one day at a time at the moment.
Take care
Cara x
It’s nice to meet you Cara and I hope you find what you are looking for in these forums. I came to here to connect with others in a similar situation and with those who can really understand the confusing world we now find ourselves in.
I can talk about things at home but certainly not to the degree that I am doing here. It seems that whatever your think or feel, there is at least one other here who has the same feelings. I find myself nodding in agreement so much as I read through posts.
Life is cruel sometimes and both you and I are lucky to have known beautiful people in our lives. I will miss my mum forever and I shall be forever changed. I’m not really sure how things are going to go over the next year but what choice do I have other than to continue living in her memory. I have lots of good memories that I shall cherish for the rest of my life. Right now my emotions are all over the place and I’m expecting things to get better but right now I can’t see that happening. I’m struggling to stay focused in my day to day work so if you are still studying then I hope you are managing to continue with that ok. I know it is hard.
Make the most of the life you have ahead of you and don’t put off doing stuff because as you know, things can change just like that.
You look after yourself as your auntie would have wanted.
I hope you manage to have a pleasant weekend.
Shaun x
And you, Shaun. I’m glad you have been able to talk through your feelings on the forums. There are many people here in similar situations and understand how we are all feeling. It is a very difficult time and life shall never be the same. I know what you mean, people keep saying to me that time will heal and things will get easier but it doesn’t feel like it ever will. Sometimes I can be feeling ok and then the reality hits me again and I just break down. I am managing to keep up with my studies and work too. in the beginning I threw myself into work and took on all the extra hours I was offered, did extra studying, I even started going to guitar lessons. I thought keeping myself busy would help and it did a bit, but now some days I feel overwhelmed with it all. I’ve taken on too many commitments. but i am starting to take a bit of a step back from working so much now, so at least I can have a bit of free time.
I hope you have a nice weekend too. Take care.
Cara x
Cara, Shaun, reading your posts was so very sad yet your empathy and understanding for each other was heartwarming. I, too, am new to this site having lost my beloved sister at the end of July and have found some comfort here from others who truly understand the depth of that loss. I sometimes find it hard to show my close friends and family how lost I feel as I know it hurts them to see me like that but on here, just writing it down and getting support eases it a little. I am so sorry for the loss of those special people in your lives. Love to you both. XX
Hi agmo1986,
I am very sorry to hear of your loss. I’m glad you too, have found comfort from the forums. It is such a difficult time. I know what you mean about finding it hard to talk to friends and family. It is good to have people to talk to but at the same time, my closest relatives are also grieving for my auntie and I don’t want to burden them with my grief and have them worrying about me on top of that. So it is good to talk with others in similar situations on here.
Cara x
Very sorry to hear about the loss of your sister I really feel you pain.
It is hard to find people who really understand and even our own families and especially friends who have not been through this before might not really get what’s going on in our heads. I can’t claim to know exactly what you are going through as grief is unique to the individual but I do know how tough and confusing it can be. Emotions can’t be switched off and I find that I don’t really understand my own emotions sometimes, but talking with others on here and expressing my thoughts helps me make sense of the world I now find myself in.
Losing my mum in the way that she went was the most traumatic thing I’ve ever experienced and as you can imagine brought up a whole host of emotions I’d never felt before. Not just that but the sheer quantity of emotions all at the same time has been overwhelming. For a while I was scared to admit that some of my thoughts had turned very dark and i wondered what’s the point in me living anymore. This I understand is normal but not nice to experience and certainly not something I would freely tell even close family.
I am intending to stick around these forums as there are some lovely people to talk to and I don’t feel I need to put up a front to anyone. We are all in this together sadly after all.
Shaun x