I’m new on here. I lost my Mum 3 years ago, last October She had really bad arthritis, fell one morning and that was it… She was my best friend, my rock and the one who told me as it was. She pulled no punches. However, the kindest person.
I believed when I lost my Mum, I would be in bits. I’m not. Not in the conventional sense.
That morning, when I finally reached her house. I was told by the ambulance, that there was nothing they could do. I shook from head to toe for about an hour, cried slightly, saw her, kissed and cuddled her. Lay with her until the police came. They have to in a sudden accident. Really that was it. I’m worried because I can’t cry? I am by nature a very emotional person. I am so soft, it’s unreal. Mum and I would laugh at how many times we would watch a film and sob. Despite seeing it for the tenth time.
I’m married. He is in his room, I’m in mine. We’ve never been loves young dream. Far from it. However, he was great when my Mum passed. All I felt, early on was anger. I’m just wondering if anyone else has felt ‘dead’, as well?
It’s like half of me has gone. As my local florist pointed out one day, ‘Well it has, your life as you knew it will never be the same again’. I appreciated that because she shot from the hip. Still, I wish I could cry, howl, scream whatever. I’m envious in a way of friends of mine who are afraid they’ll never stop. As I explain to them, at least it’s a safety valve. It’s a sign of healing. Maybe I’m wrong.


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Hi Cher1

well it is difficult to say but maybe if you read some of the different topics you would realise what or how you are feeling.
One thing is truth like your florist said you life never will be the same. It is a new life and a new style of life.

You feel nothing but anger i think all of us feel like that
Feel nothing st all , could be the numbness when the pain is too much is like you cannot feel anything.
Maybe you need to alow yourself to be kind to yourself.
There is not a right way to grieve just be prepare in case grieving come later in life.
As people say grieving is personal

Take care xx

Hi Cher1,

You raise an interesting question: should you worry that you cannot cry?
I think it depends on what crying or not crying means to you.

When my dad died, my mum was unable to cry. She was worried about it because she felt we and others would think she was not grieving and that she did not miss him. We knew that was not true, because of the way she was talking and acting. Her world had fallen apart. I used to say to her that grief can not be measured in tears,

I sounds like the death of your mum was very sudden and traumatic for you, The fact that you ‘shook from head to toe for about an hour’ shows what an impact it had on you. It is also obvious from what you write about her that you loved her very much.

Feeling angry is something a lot of people who post on this site mention as something they have felt. It is one of a range of emotions that is mentioned, as is numbness or ‘feeling dead’.

You write that you are an emotional person and that you and your mum used to sob when you watched films. Are you still doing that, or do you find that this is no longer happening?

Everyone griefs differently and it can be unhelpful to compare the way we grief with the way others do it. There is no right or wrong. Yes, tears can be a helpful way to release some of what we feel inside and in that way it can help but personally I don’t think it necessarily is a sign of healing, but I am not an expert.

If you feel that you are somehow stuck in your grief and does it affect your daily life, than it maybe a good idea to seek help from a bereavement counselor.