Hi I lost my partner last July (covid).
Loosing him is a pain I never thought existed, it’s totally different to loosing a parent.
He was my carer & we done everything together, we laughed alot.
I think the worst feeling was I didn’t get to say goodbye, he was in ICU & i wasn’t allowed to visit & they then decided to put him in an induced coma, before that I’d spoken to him over the phone & he was scared & said I will wake up won’t I? I replied of course you will, he then said don’t leave me, that was it, 24 hours later they said you better come up but I got there too late he had passed away 10 minutes before I’d been let in, I then had to walk through the ICU to see him, it was awful & that image of him laying there gone is just heartbreaking 
I’m so lost without him I spend everyday alone, nobody to talk too, my children live 5 hours away & due to covid I’ve not seen them for 2 years, apart from video calls (Stephen wasn’t their dad).
I have no idea what’s going to happen to my life, I only go out when I go to the doctors & I’ve had to buy a small mobility scooter to do that as I can’t walk far due to arthritis in my back.
I know I’m not the only one feeling like this.
Diane, I can feel your pain and I think the pandemic has not only be horrible but I think its been very cruel. I am hopeful that the worst is over and we can start to visit the people we love and most of all need to have hugs from. Have you thought of counselling, you have been on your own and the need to talk to someone about Stephen and the life you had together. Both Cruse and Sue Ryder offer free sessions and it may help you. Also look for local groups, we’re you can chat and have a cup of tea, in our village there are two, Facebook is the place to find them under your location. I do this helps you a little and please remember we are always here for you. S
-https://www.cruse.org.uk/
-https://www.sueryder.org/online-bereavement-counselling
Hi susie
Thank you im currently waiting to go on a councilling course but it could be a few weeks as yet.
I will look into your suggestions though.
I will also look on Facebook to see if there are any groups near me also.
Yes covid has been very cruel, it has ruined so many lives, I’m still not 100% myself, still can’t taste something’s.
The one person I need a hug from the most is Stephen but I know when I do see my children & grandchildren their hugs will help a great deal .
Di x
Enjoy those hugs, yes I would love a hug from my soulmate. xx