Help and advice needed please

It will be two years next month since my wife passed. We retired to live in a small seaside place and were very happy until, well, you all know. Our friends locally have been supportive.
At the same time the place has it’s carnival next month and It don’t think I can cope with all the “joy”. Last two years were cancelled because of COVID so there will be a mass influx of people and I feel a bit guilty because I just don’t want anything to do with it. Am I wrong? She would have enjoyed it and that usually made me happy. The noise and inconsiderate behaviour, usually of visitors, has already begun and I just need some kind advice if possible please

Hi @Malc39200, I’m sorry for the loss of your wife. Thank you for sharing your feelings with us. However you feel is valid, and it’s understandable that you might want to avoid it because your wife’s not there to enjoy it, too. Would it be possible for you to maybe go away somewhere else for a few days?

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support soon, but I just wanted you to know that you’ve been heard.

Thank you for your reply. It’s a thought and thanks for suggesting it.

Hi Malcolm these things are so poignant and stressful have a few days away and be kind to yourself then you can continue your recovery at your own pace maybe do something completely different for you like a painting course for eg then you are not running away thinking of you

1 Like

Thank you. I appreciate your help.

it is always a fine line between forcing oneself to be social or protecting oneself against the exuberance of others.

sometimes it helps to be social, though. we need other people … a very good question for the bereaved.

1 Like

Hello Malc39200, sorry for the loss of your wife. - I lost my brother to a heat attack in February. - A fried thought that it was a good idea to give some of my brother’s brother’s leather jacket to a local charity organization. No problem as such, but, I did not think about my emotions. I lost all my energy and my body started to shake within 3 minutes. It took me several days to recover. Now, I listen to my body. If my stomach tells me not to do it, I will not do it. - But, I did accept and invitation from two friends to go to the beach. We sat on the beach and just talked. I also took my camera and took some photos of some boats. (Just something to do while the two women went for a swim.) - So, just listen to your gut. Do not force yourself. If you do not have a beach nearby, then why not just sit in the garden or go for a walk. The sun on your skin might cheer you up. - Nick

Thank you Nick. So sorry for your loss. You’re right, I am grateful for all the replies and I know there are no easy answers to any of this. I thought that the first year was hard but this second year has been worse. I just feel lost without her. I have tried maybe too hard trying to keep myself busy so I don’t have to think too much. I will just see how things go day by day. Speaking to a friend the other day who is in a similar position but six years in made me realise that it is still raw. Thank you for your kindness. Malcolm

1 Like