Hi, reaching out for help, support and advice.
It’s 17 months today since I lost my husband , my purpose in life and in turn ‘me’.
And it’s really, really hard to keep going.
I have tried to find one to one counselling, still on cruse waiting list (6 months). After a 4/5 month wait on another local service finally got to speak to someone to arrange some dates, but because I have to work full time and could not commit to weekly sessions (which they insisted on!) in work hours, they said they couldn’t help me.
Until now I didn’t think I was ready for group bereavement support, (and not sure if I still am) , but willing to try.
BUT , again just can’t find anything out of my work hours (8.30-5.30).
It’s making me feel really lost and alone, as if all these organisations think that if you are working full time… You’re not in need of grief support, or think you must be doing ‘all right’ because you are managing to hold down a job!!!
I live in Southampton. Do any of you know of any groups, specifically for people grieving the loss of a partner, that meet out of work hours??
Or of any services that can offer individual support out of work hours?
Has anyone else had the same issues.
I’m sure I can’t be alone in this .
Totally agree with you - everything seems to be geared to during the day time - at the moment im not working but i need to find a job and am now thinking i dont want to miss my bereavement support group sessions! Is there no way you could negotiate a different working pattern temporarily with your employer - is the group bereavement support just a fixed number of sessions (mine is 6 once a fortnight). Or use some half days holiday? I think one to one counselling there is more chance of that being out of hours, but group stuff it just depends on that local area. Best of luck
Our Online Bereavement Counselling service has out of hours appointments. There is a bit of a waiting list currently, but you can apply for counselling here: Online Bereavement Counselling Service | Sue Ryder
You may also want to look on the AtALoss website. If you select your area from the dropdown menu, you can see what local support is available.
I hope that this is helpful and you get the support you need.
Hi @Cathphil. I live in Scotland and had the same problem. I got access to bereavement counselling but was at 11 o’clock every week. I also work so had to turn it down. My local Maggie’s centre has numerous classes and groups for people affected by cancer but again it’s all during working hours. I think they assume all bereaved people are post retirement age. Good luck with your search.
I agree too. I think this is a countrywide problem. I don’t want online help or searching through FAQs! I need to sit down with someone face to face but there is nothing. I’m very lucky in that my work have an in house counsellor. He doesn’t specialise in bereavement counselling but I am able to have some sessions with him during work time. They are very big on staff wellbeing and I wonder if it would be worth talking to your manager to see if they would support you having some time in the day to see someone? You never know; if you don’t ask….
I’ve also struggled to find any bereavement groups. There is one that is really good
( during working hours yet again) but that is only monthly. The other one that I found
( you guessed it; on a Wednesday afternoon) was a shambles. I looked at the lady next to me (who was also new) and we made a run for it! Bereavement is life changing, especially when it involves your partner, and catastrophic and there is a desperate need for more help and support. Especially aimed at younger people who are ‘not expected’ to be bereaved. When Alan first passed ( only 6 weeks ago but seems like a lifetime) I desperately needed to speak to someone ‘out of hours’ but all the helpline’s I found were also daytime only. for the Samaritans. One of their lovely volunteers literally carried me through the worst night but I felt guilty because I know how stretched they are and I didn’t want to keep someone who was suicidal from getting through.
I am so glad I found this forum and everyone here. Much love to all x
Dear @Arvia
Thank you for your long and kind and thoughtful message.
I do kinda of find it disappointing that their is so little in way of this kind of support out of working hours.
My boss had been unbelievably kind , understanding and supportive.
The difficulty is that I work (paid) for a very small charity. We teach and support adults with learning difficulties. (And I run schemes for high need children in the school holidays.) The problem is we have a very small staff, and the impact of me being away on a weekly basis, even for limited time, which one bereavement scheme I found insisted on , is just not possible or practical, and would just have added to my stress, because I would ( probably unnecessarily) feel guilty at the extra burden I gave my colleagues.
I did hear back from Cruse. After being on a waiting list for over 6 months. I contacted them again to ask how much longer I needed to wait.
They responded by giving me three times , of an hour time frame each when I could call them. Two were in the day time(!), and one was a Monday between 8pm and 9pm. That’s okay I thought. But when Monday at about 7.45pm come around, I knew I just wasn’t in the right place/frame of mind to deal with having to explain myself, my situation and my feelings.
I guess I’ll just have to wait till next Monday to see if I feel up to it then?!
In the meantime I’ll take the support of people like yourself.
It does help to know others are in the same position, and so understand. Thank you
for the Samaritans. One of their lovely volunteers literally carried me through the worst night but I felt guilty because I know how stretched they are and I didn’t want to keep someone who was suicidal from getting through.