Help! I'm moving backwards, no progress

Hello
I lost my dear Dad 12 weeks ago. Unexpectedly and suddenly. My life is shattered. I keep hearing that grief is a process but I don’t feel to be working through anything, I very much feel as the days go by, I miss him more and more.
I couldn’t face the funeral so I stayed in church and didn’t go to the burial.
Today was my son’s birthday. Dad doted on his grandchildren and what used to be a happy day and something we all looked forward to has been terrible.
Visitors just made his absence feel more obvious - I had to include him in the day. He is constantly in my thoughts and we talk about him all the time but I felt I had to get away from more distant relatives behaving as though my Mum and my worlds haven’t ended. They have.
I went to the churchyard for the first time. I felt terrible. I feel so scared and upset.
How has it come to this?
We missed birthdays last year to keep safe and hoped to reunite this year. Instead I just sat and cried and I’m doing the same now.
How can counselling, medication etc help. I’m seeking help but feel stuck in this,misery Instead of having my amazing Dad’s wonderful company, I went to the bleak churchyard and cried and cried.
Why has God done this - we are broken and I just can’t see that things will ever change.
I used to plan and enjoy my childrens’ birthdays with such enthusiasm - now all anything brings is pain.
I love you so much Dad.
I have had no signs or anything. I feel completely desolate. Sorry to be so negative but I expect I’m not the only one - how long are people expected to keep taking it hour by hour when each hour seems to get worse?

Dear Gee1,
Sorry to read that you are still finding things very difficult, Just be patient with yourself, and accept all the help you are offered. Medication and counseling may not seem to help immediately, but over time you should begin to feel the benefits.
Jo

Hi Gee
I felt exactly the same as you when my Mom died
im afraid it takes time
grief is overwhelming I dont know how I got through it but I am only just starting to accept it and it was 14 months ago
all I can say is it does get better
a little step at a time
I thought I would never leave the house and speak to anyone ever again and for the first few months i struggled to go anywhere i felt so alone
i found it best to talk
I hope this helps take care

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Hi Tess11
Thank you for your message. I’m glad that you have been able to start feeling better. I’m just laying here now dreading the point when the children decide it’s time to get up and I will then have to get up and face another miserable day.
I’m so tired of crying and all the despair.
Nothing, nothing will ever be anything like my family life with my Dad.
People say to take it step by step which is the logical thing to do but right now, every step I take is going backwards or downwards. I’m travelling in the wrong direction and it’s so scary.
I have counselling and I rang the Samaritans yesterday but no relief.
More and more, I guess I’m just a lost cause now.
My Dad was my Mum’s life, a massive part of mine and the shining light in my children’s lives.
We’ve lost so much I don’t think we’ll ever even partially recover.
I’m sorry to post so negatively but I am absolutely hopeless and bereft.
If only I could turn the clock back.
Looks like it’s going to be another hellish day.
Oh Dad, I love you so much, if only I could see or speak to you.

Can you be with your Mom for a while the one thing that helped me and this was only yesterday was crying and hugging my Dad telling him that I was struggling without my Mom it just helped to have a hug
my husband is not good at all with my grief support so this hasnt helped me much at all
I did realise though that I must go on living for my two Daughters and do my best for them
have you taken any medication yet

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